Here they are. My NFL predictions for the 2018-19 season that are sure to be 100% accurate.

Of course, if you’re reading this and you see that I don’t have your team finishing that well, it means I hate your team and they suck. There’s no other reason I have them finishing with such a poor record. It’s not like I’ve spent months ranking every single player on every single NFL team or anything.

Oh no.

I’m sure people on social media will comment on this acting like they know more than me when it’s obvious it’s the other way around. Go ahead and comment though. I’ll gladly put you in your stupid place.

Yes, I’m feeling cocky this morning and it’s because I’m feeling REALLY CONFIDENT IN THESE PREDICTIONS Y’ALL! There’s just absolutely no way these go wrong. There is no way anyone gets injured this season and messes these up. Go to your local sports book right now and drop tons of coin on some over/unders after reading these. The sports books people will think you’re a fucking genius.

Anyway, in all seriousness. Here they are. My 2018-19 NFL Predictions. They’ll be wrong, but fuck it….



NFC North

*Minnesota Vikings (12-4)

*Green Bay Packers (11-5)

Detroit Lions (7-9)

Chicago Bears (4-12)


NFC South

*New Orleans Saints (12-4)

*Atlanta Falcons (10-6)

Carolina Panthers (7-9)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-11)


NFC East

*Philadelphia Eagles (11-5)

Dallas Cowboys (10-6)

Washington Redskins (8-8)

New York Giants (4-12)


NFC West

*Los Angeles Rams (12-4)

San Francisco 49ers (8-8)

Seattle Seahawks (7-9)

Arizona Cardinals (5-11)


AFC North

*Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4)

Baltimore Ravens (8-8)

Cincinnati Bengals (4-12)

Cleveland Browns (3-13)


AFC South

*Jacksonville Jaguars (12-4)

*Houston Texans (9-7)

Indianapolis Colts (7-9)

Tennessee Titans (7-9)


AFC East

*New England Patriots (14-2)

New York Jets (4-12)

Buffalo Bills (4-12)

Miami Dolphins (3-13)


AFC West

*Los Angeles Chargers (11-5)

*Kansas City Chiefs (10-6)

Oakland Raiders (8-8)

Denver Broncos (6-10)








Minnesota def. Atlanta

Philadelphia def. Green Bay



Minnesota def. Los Angeles Rams

New Orleans def. Philadelphia



New Orleans def. Minnesota




Jacksonville def. Houston

Kansas City def. LA Chargers



New England def. Kansas City

Pittsburgh def. Jacksonville



New England def. Pittsburgh




New Orleans Saints def. New England Patriots



Other Random Predictions:


First coach to be fired? That would be Dirk Koetter of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers after week 3.


Next coach to be fired? Let’s go ahead and stay in state as Adam Gase of the Miami Dolphins will be shown the door by week 4.


Drew Brees will be your Super Bowl MVP and will ride off into retirement as a winner. The Saints will gladly throw the trophy in their case but find that replacing a legend like Brees is extremely difficult. They make a huge jump in the first-round of the NFL Draft with eyes on Oregon’s Justin Herbert as their QB of the future.


The Los Angeles Rams will start out the season a little slow and everyone will panic. They will quickly get it corrected though and will easily win the NFC West.


Sam Darnold will be the best of the rookie QB’s this year, but that won’t really help the New York Jets that much this season. I expect a regression for the Jets with Todd Bowles potentially being shown the door by the end of the year.


This will be the last year Cincinnati Bengals fans will have to sit through Andy Dalton’s mediocrity. The Bengals can release Dalton after this year and avoid his huge cap hit for the next two seasons without having to pay any money in dead cap. That sounds like a win/win for everyone involved.


Lamar Jackson will replace Joe Flacco by mid-season…..and Flacco will replace Jackson two weeks later when it’s obvious the guy is nowhere near ready to play at an NFL level.


People will continue to whine and bitch about NFL players protesting and I will continue to not care about the whole situation. Just shut up already.


The Cleveland Browns will get their first win in almost two years and the city will act like they just won a Super Bowl. New England fans will not understand why Browns fans get so excited over one regular season win.


Someone will get caught deflating a football and everyone will act like it’s the biggest crime we’ve ever seen committed.


Patrick Mahomes will finish as a top-10 QB in fantasy football this year. Draft this kid folks. You will thank me.