Football season is over. That’s the bad news.
There is good news though.
The good news is, every single NFL team is currently undefeated! YES, EVEN THE CLEVELAND BROWNS!
That means there is hope on the horizon for everyone. Just ask the Philadelphia Eagles. A year ago, who the hell thought they would win their first Super Bowl trophy in the 2017-18 season? No one, that’s who.
Now it’s time to take a look at why every single NFL team will and won’t win the Super Bowl next year.
We don’t have football on our screens for another six months guys. This is all we have until then……
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Kirk Cousins signs with the Cardinals this off-season and he goes off next season in an effort to prove that he’s well worth a long-term investment. New head coach Steve Wilks is the best thing since sliced bread and he absolutely dominates the league next season as well. With Cousins, a healthy David Johnson, the never-aging Larry Fitzgerald and a solid defense led by Wilks….the Cardinals shock everyone and win it all.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Are you kidding me? As of right now, Arizona might have the worst QB situation in the NFL. They have nothing at the position and they also don’t have a high enough draft pick to go after one of the big-named QB’s in the draft this year. It’s a horrible situation to be in. If Arizona doesn’t go after Cousins in the off-season, I have no idea what option B is.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: They were just in the Super Bowl two years ago when they fell apart against the New England Patriots. This last season, they went 10-6, beat a very good Los Angeles Rams team in the wild-card round before losing to the eventual Super Bowl champions by just 5 points in the divisional round. The Falcons are a very good team and it wouldn’t shock me one bit to see them get over the hump next season and hoist the Lombardi Trophy for all to see.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Fourth quarters are a bitch.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Is Joe Flacco elite? Nope. However, we’ve all seen this story before. No one gives the Ravens a chance and yet they come out of nowhere and shock us all. Baltimore still has a very good roster, they are just severely lacking offensive playmakers to give Flacco any kind of help. Let’s say the Ravens go out and pick up some offensive studs, Flacco somehow remembers how to be elite like he was during the 2012 playoff run, and John Harbaugh is on a “fuck you” mission after hearing rumors that the Ravens were thinking of firing him this past off-season. Everyone on the Ravens has a mission next year and it all comes together.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Are you kidding me? Have you seen this roster? There’s no way in hell Joe Flacco is leading this team on a Super Bowl run with the pieces that he has to work with. Let’s also not forget that Flacco is FAR from elite and hasn’t been that good of a player since his miraculous Super Bowl run in 2012. And I don’t know what’s going on with Harbaugh, but he went from one of the top coaches in the NFL to having an extremely hot seat to sit on this past season. The Ravens could make it to the playoffs next year if they add some pieces, but this team is along way from being a Super Bowl contender.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: They made it to the playoffs this last season for the first time in almost twenty years under new head coach Sean McDermott. The next logical step to avoid regression is a playoff victory. The Bills should cut/trade Tyrod Taylor and trade up to draft one of the young QB’s in this year’s draft. If you are a regular reader of my column, you know how much I love teams that don’t have a lot of money invested into a QB. It’s one of the reasons you see teams like the Philadelphia Eagles win a Super Bowl. Today’s market on high-profile QB’s is utterly ridiculous and is much too high. If you can find a QB on a rookie deal (Carson Wentz for example) or a high-profile one that’s willing to sign a team-friendly deal, it’s such a huge advantage in today’s NFL. If the Bills can trade up and draft someone like Josh Rosen and he is a stud next season….we’ve seen crazier things happen my friends.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: They don’t currently have a Super Bowl caliber QB on their roster. By all accounts, they don’t like Tyrod Taylor anymore and they can cut him this off-season saving themselves $10 million in cap money. If they decide to do that though, who are they left with? Will they go after Kirk Cousins? Will they trade up and draft a QB like I mentioned earlier? If there’s any team that made the playoffs this last season that should expect a regression next season, it’s the Bills. Sorry Bills Mafia. We still love you.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: This may sound cliché, but coaching is extremely important in the NFL. In my opinion, it’s the most important part of a football team. When an NFL player finds themselves an excellent coach who can bring out that player’s good qualities, it can turn mediocre players into excellent players. It’s almost like a mirror trick. I remember back when the Chiefs signed Matt Cassel and they had Charlie Weis on board as offensive coordinator. Cassel went from a crappy QB to a Pro Bowl QB. That season, he finished with 27 touchdown passes, 7 interceptions, over 3,000 passing yards, and a QB rating of 93.3. However, Weis took a head coaching job for the Kansas Jayhawks the next season and Cassel was never the same. What I’m trying to say here is…..new Panthers offensive coordinator Norv Turner is going to turn Cam Newton back into Superman (ala Newton back in 2015) next season. You’ve all been warned.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Cam Newton. Since 1990, three QB’s have won the Super Bowl with a career completion percentage of less than 60%. Mark Rypien, Jeff Hostetler, and Trent Dilfer. All three of those guys won Super Bowls because of reasons not pertaining to their play. Newton is just way too average and way too untrustworthy to lead this Panthers team to a Super Bowl. As much as I like Norv Turner, I’m not sure even he can fix Newton’s problems.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: As we saw this last season with the Philadelphia Eagles, an innovative offensive-minded guy can turn a franchise around pretty quick. The NFL is transforming right in front of our eyes and NFL guys are starting to bring in coaches from the college game with an appetite for offense. The Bears went out this last season and hired former Oregon Ducks head coach Mark Helfrich to help come in and groom Mitchell Trubisky. In just his second-year as head coach at Oregon, Helfrich & Marcus Mariota led the team to their second ever appearance in the National Championship. I’m going out on a limb and saying that Helfrich will have even quicker success this time around. Don’t be surprised if you see Trubisky rubbing Helfrich’s bald head while the two are celebrating a Lombardi Trophy next year as everyone else is trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Because that paragraph I just wrote above will never ever happen. I may or may not have been under the influence of something when I wrote it. Helfrich and new head coach Matt Nagy will make the Bears fun to watch next season, but this team is far far far far away from competing for a Super Bowl.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Marvin Lewis and Andy Dalton are sick and tired of it guys. The disrespect is enough. Next year is THEIR YEAR! You all thought Marvin Lewis was going to get fired this off-season? NOT SO FAST MY FRIENDS! The Bengals know something we don’t and it’s obvious that the 2018-19 season is the year where everything corrects itself and the playoff curse is finally broken. You know the ultimate way to rub it in everyone’s face when they laugh at your coaching hire? By winning a Super Bowl. Just ask Eagles head coach Doug Pederson, who everyone bashed when Philly made the hire two years ago (myself included). Well….who’s laughing now?
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Marvin Lewis.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: All 31 other NFL teams forfeit.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: They’ve won one game in two years. They’ve won 38 games in ten years. They haven’t had a season where they’ve won double-digit games in over a decade. Do I REALLY need to go on here folks?
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: After watching their dreaded rival the Philadelphia Eagles win the Super Bowl, the Cowboys have the best off-season/training camp they have had in years. Everyone manages to stay healthy next year and we get the Dallas Cowboys team we saw in 2016 and not the mediocre team we saw last season. The Cowboys still have one of the best rosters in the NFL, they just need to put it all together. Nothing would upset Eagles fans more than the Cowboys coming out next season and holding a parade of their own. How’s that for some extra motivation?
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Jason Garrett sucks as a head coach. I personally think one of the weirdest things in the NFL has always been Jerry Jones’ weird little obsession with Garrett. I don’t care what anyone thinks, the Cowboys will never be serious Super Bowl contenders as long as he’s the man calling the action.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Denver still has a pretty good roster from top-to-bottom. The one thing that they are severely lacking is a quarterback. They tried to trade for Alex Smith, but the Chiefs weren’t going to trade him to a division rival. The Broncos will likely try to go all-in on Kirk Cousins, not only because they want to…but they need to. Now, we’ve seen the Broncos go out and grab the best free agent QB on the market (Peyton Manning) and make a Super Bowl run with him before. History repeats itself here.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: I don’t care if the Broncos go out and sign Kirk Cousins. This team isnt’ the same team that won a Super Bowl a few years ago. The defense is still good, but they’ve lost a step since Wade Phillips left town. And don’t even get me started on how bad new head coach Vance Joseph was in his first-season with the team. The Broncos aren’t going anywhere next season folks.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: New head coach Matt Patricia is a long-time assistant coach of the greatest coach that’s ever lived, Bill Belichick. Patricia has been waiting a long-time to get out of Belichick’s shadow and he has a lot to prove as there are all sorts of people who don’t think he’s qualified enough for this job (myself included). There was another head coach recently who everyone laughed at when he was hired two years ago. That head coach just won his team their first ever Super Bowl trophy and now looks like the next big thing in the NFL. Matt Patricia is going to follow the “Doug Pederson Handbook” my friends, except he will one-up the Eagles by getting Detroit their first ever Super Bowl trophy in just one season behind the headset.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: C’mon now. The Detroit Lions as Super Bowl champions? Even just saying the words doesn’t feel right. The Lions haven’t won a playoff game since 1991. They just went out and hired a new head coach who is supposed to be a defensive guru, but he just got his ass handed to him on the biggest stage of them all by a freaking back-up QB. This hire is going to end up biting the Lions in the ass. Bill Belichick is a great coach, but as far as his “coaching tree” is concerned…..that thing is rotten and should be cut down and burned.
Green Bay Packers
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Aaron Rodgers is back……..and he’s pissed. After missing the majority of the 2017-18 season with an injury and watching his team go 7-9, Rodgers has seen enough. He comes back next season, healthier than ever and just shellacks the rest of the NFL. Remember that Aaron Rodgers who told everyone to “relax” a few years ago? He’s gone. This new Aaron Rodgers is here for two things and two things only, throwing touchdown passes and winning Super Bowl trophies.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Aaron Rodgers gets injured again.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Remember what the Houston Texans looked like with Deshaun Watson healthy last season? They looked pretty damn good if you remember correctly. However, they lost Watson to a torn ACL right before week nine and the season completely fell off the rails. Watson’s play surprised everyone last season. We all knew the kid was one of the most exciting players to watch in college football, but his pro aspects were hard to gauge. Until he came out last season and looked like a tremendous pick for Houston as they may have FINALLY found their franchise QB. Quarterbacks who can play in this league and are playing on a rookie contract give their team a significant advantage heading into the season. I’m telling you guys right now. If Watson is fully healthy next season…..watch out for this team.
Why They Won’t Win A Super Bowl: Watson is extremely fun to watch, but the guy is a toothpick. The one thing I mentioned about Watson when he was coming out was that I thought he was particularly prone to injury, especially given the way his body frame works out. Watson tearing his ACL in his first year in the league should have Texans fans sweating. After all the time they have spent looking for a franchise QB, it seems they may have finally found one…..but he can’t stay healthy. I’m willing to bet Watson’s season ends prematurely next year as well.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Andrew Luck returns fully healthy and he’s steaming mad. We all started putting dirt on Luck’s NFL grave and he still has a lot left to prove. A healthy Andrew Luck once brought a talent-depleted Indianapolis Colts team to an appearance in the AFC Championship before. A steaming mad Andrew Luck with a lot to prove will not only do that once more, but he will go a step further.
Why They Won’t Win A Super Bowl: The rumors around Andrew Luck’s shoulder are scary. There are some people insisting that Luck will never be the same. If that’s true, that sucks for Luck and NFL fans everywhere who would have been robbed of a guy who could have turned into an all-timer if he was able to stay healthy. I’m still holding out hope that Luck will be able to return to his pre-injury ways, but where there’s smoke, there’s fire. If the rumors are real, the Colts will be one of the worst teams in the NFL again next season.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: No one thought the Jacksonville Jaguars could make it to the AFC Championship this past season. After a ten-year absence from the playoffs, the Jags returned with a bang and not only made it to the AFC title game, but almost beat the New England Patriots to advance to the Super Bowl. The Jacksonville Jaguars as Super Bowl Champions sure sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? That’s why it will happen next season.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: With all due respect to Blake Bortles and his improvement in the 2017-18 NFL season, the Jaguars aren’t winning a Super Bowl with him at QB. Go find a new one Jags.
Kansas City Chiefs
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: The Chiefs already have a fantastic roster. They are just missing a few key pieces. By trading Alex Smith and relieving them of a high cap number at the QB position, that opens up the Chiefs salary cap a lot and gives them potential to make some moves in free agency to significantly upgrade an already impressive roster. If Patrick Mahomes is as good as advertised, Eric Berry returns healthy, and the Chiefs add some pieces to the defense, there’s no reason that Andy Reid shouldn’t be able to do what his protegé Doug Pederson just did in Philadelphia and that’s bring a Super Bowl trophy to Kansas City.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: We don’t know what we are getting from Patrick Mahomes next year. In the one game he played for the Chiefs this last season, he played good, which is exactly what you want from your back-up QB. Mahomes is no longer a back-up now though and the Chiefs will be a team with Super Bowl aspirations next season. If he can play at a Pro Bowl level and upgrades Kansas City’s quarterback position, it’s scary what this team could potentially become. That’s a bunch of “if”s though.
Los Angeles Chargers
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: It’s the Phillip Rivers Retirement Tour next year. Rivers announces his intentions to retire at the end of the year, but he promises to bring a Super Bowl trophy to Los Angeles. Rivers makes good on his promise as the Chargers upset the Eagles to win the Super Bowl. Rivers surprises everyone by stealing the team bus and driving it down to San Diego where the city of San Diego holds a parade for their Super Bowl winning Chargers team. Suck it Los Angeles.
Why They Won’t Win A Super Bowl: The team significantly regresses under second year head-coach Anthony Lynn. Rivers is mad all-year long and it shows every time he’s on camera. At the end of the year, Rivers announces that he’s leaving the Chargers to go play in the XFL in 2020 for the San Diego Sparx.
Los Angeles Rams
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: The Rams were one of the surprise teams in the NFL this past season. No one expected them to be as good as they were. They made the playoffs for the first time in 13 years before losing to the Atlanta Falcons in the wild card round. The Rams need to build on that momentum though. They have the youngest head coach in the league and would it really surprise anyone to see Sean McVay build on what he was able to do last season and take home a Super Bowl championship? This is the guy who seemingly turned Jared Goff from Ryan Leaf into Peyton Manning in just one off-season. I’m not discrediting anything McVay does until a house that he built ends up falling down. This guy has the midas touch.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: McVay is a good coach, but let’s pump the brakes a little bit. Yes, he got the Rams to the playoffs for the first time in 13 years. Yes, he’s helped wash away some of the stink that Jeff Fisher left on this team. However, asking a guy to win a Super Bowl in just his second-year is a lot. Not everyone is Doug Pederson. McVay is good, but I’m still not sure he jump into that elite level yet.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Adam Gase is supposedly an offensive genius. This offensive genius needs a quarterback whose name is not Ryan Tannehill. The Dolphins are in a position right now where they could cut Tannehill and save themselves $15 million in cap room. I would do that in a heart beat and focus my attention on moving up in the draft and grabbing a QB that fits Gase’s plans. A fresh young QB. Tons of new cap room to play with. And Gase looking to turn things around before winding up looking for a new job sounds like the perfect recipe for a potential Super Bowl contender. We’ve seen crazier things happen.
Why They Won’t Win A Super Bowl: Are we sure Adam Gase is an offensive genius? After a nice 10-6 start to his first season, the Dolphins regressed last year and if that happens again next season, Gase will be gone. The Dolphins haven’t won a playoff game in 18 years. Let’s see if they can get over that hump before they even think of making a Super Bowl appearance.
New England Patriots
Why They Will Win A Super Bowl: Tom Brady & Bill Belichick.
Why They Won’t Win A Super Bowl: They make no improvements on defense and Tom Brady ages so badly this off-season that he’s just not the same guy we are used to. It’s bound to happen guys. I know Brady think he’s going to play until he’s 60, but that shit just doesn’t happen. A fall-off is going to happen sooner than even he thinks.
New Orleans Saints
Why They Will Win A Super Bowl: Sean Payton is one of the best head coaches in the NFL and as long as he’s in New Orleans, the Saints will always be Super Bowl contenders. Plus, Drew Brees’ career is winding down and wouldn’t it just be awesome to see Brees go out with a title? It seems like Brees doesn’t get the respect he deserves from a historical standpoint. The dude is one of the all-time greats and I would personally like to see him go out in the same fashion that guys like Elways and Peyton Manning did.
Why They Won’t Win A Super Bowl: Drew Brees is a free agent and isn’t a lock to return to New Orleans. If the Saints don’t bring back Brees, they have no plan in place for his successor. This could get REALLY ugly this off-season guys.
New York Giants
Why They Will Win A Super Bowl: New York drafts Josh Rosen or Sam Darnold with the second overall pick and it lights a fire under Eli Manning’s ass like we’ve never seen before. The Giants also go out and pick up some nice offensive pieces to go along with what they already have and it all ends up working out for Eli again as he’s hoisting another Super Bowl trophy and rubbing it in Peyton’s face in his post-game speech.
Why They Won’t Win A Super Bowl: Eli Manning sucks now. Was he ever an elite NFL QB? Well, he had his moments, but his career has been filled with more ups and downs than a fighter pilots. It’s time for the Giants to move on and they will likely draft a QB like I mentioned above. If they do, we probably won’t get the scenario I mentioned above though. We will probably get a scenario where Eli plays like crap the entire season but the coaching staff refuses to bench him even though Giants fans are clamoring for Darnold/Rosen. We’ve seen this movie before.
New York Jets
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: The Jets go out and sign Drew Brees. He’s so pissed off that the Saints low-balled him on the free agent market that he ends up bringing the Jets their first Super Bowl trophy since 1968 and rubs it in New Orleans face.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Todd Bowles has proven to be a good NFL coach so far in his Jets tenure. A lot of people expected him to be fired after this season, but after leading the Jets to a 5-11 record and smashing expectations for a team that was widely considered to be the worst in the league, he’s been given more time. Unfortunately, I don’t think it will be enough and I think the main problem will come from the QB position again. Drew Brees will re-sign with the Saints. Kirk Cousins will sign with the Broncos or the Cardinals. And the Jets played good enough last season that they may have positioned themselves out of grabbing one of the best QB’s in the draft and may end up having to reach for someone with the 6th pick. Rinse and repeat.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Jon Gruden IS BACK! Gruden has taken enough time off and has studied all of the other teams to the point where he Spider 2 Y Banana’s all over everyone’s ass next season en route to a Super Bowl title. Gruden is going to have a lot to prove next season. He has to prove that the game hasn’t passed him by. He has to prove that he still has what it takes to be a successful head coach in the league after ten years away from that spot. And he has to prove that this wasn’t another PR move by the Raiders to help put asses in seats in Oakland before the team moves to Las Vegas and that he’s in it for the long haul. The Raiders are a good team with a solid roster. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit to see Gruden win a Super Bowl in his first-year with the team. It’s almost like he’s done it before.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Jon Gruden is not a very good head coach in my opinion. Raiders fans may be hyped for his arrival due to what he did in his first-year in Tampa Bay, but let’s not forget that he failed to win a playoff game after that SB run in Tampa Bay. Plus, his time in the media has shown that he has questionable judgement when it comes to scouting talent. This is the same guy who hammered the Raiders for taking Khalil Mack over Johnny Manziel in the NFL Draft. I guess as long as Gruden isn’t making personnel moves, the Raiders will be OK, but still….THE GUY WANTED THE RAIDERS TO DRAFT JOHNNY MANZIEL OVER KHALIL MACK FOR FUCKS SAKE!
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Because they just won it this year and everyone is returning, even Carson Wentz.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Carson Wentz isn’t the same after returning from injury. The team stupidly traded Nick Foles in the off-season and now they have no one at the QB position after appearing to have two solid NFL starters on their roster the year before. Philly fans are pissed because now they are convinced that Nick Foles was always better than Wentz. Doug Pederson all of a sudden doesn’t look like an offensive genius anymore.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: The Steelers have one of the best teams in the NFL. With “Big” Ben Roethlisberger, Antonio Brown, Le’Veon Bell, and a plethora of other talent, the Steelers will be Super Bowl contenders again next season. In other news, the sky is blue and water is needed to survive.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: TURMOIL! WE HAVE TURMOIL IN PITTSBURGH! Ben Roethlisberger doesn’t like anyone. Le’Veon Bell can’t stay healthy. Antonio Brown should be traded. No one apparently likes head coach Mike Tomlin. There’s just no way in hell a team with this kind of messy chemistry is going all the way next season. Time has passed them by.
San Francisco 49ers
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: JIMMY G IS DA GOD!
Why They Won’t Win A Super Bowl: Jimmy G isn’t “DA GOD”. He’s just an average player who’s now the highest paid QB in the NFL. All the 49ers fans who thought he would be the next best thing are officially worried. We have yet to see Jimmy G play a full season and he’s now the highest paid QB in the NFL. I don’t care how good the guy looked in the short-term this season. The 49ers are playing a risky (but needed) game right now.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Remember those Seahawks teams from 2012-2016? Well, they are back! Russell Wilson plays like an MVP. The offensive line finally starts playing good. They find a running game and the defense returns to it’s scary form.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: If you ask me, the Seahawks “dynasty” is over my friends. Back when they won the Super Bowl in 2013, the Seahawks had the advantage of having a lot of young players on their roster who were playing on cheap contracts. Those guys eventually will end up getting paid which means the team starts to slowly fall apart piece-by-piece. That’s what we’ve seen happen with the Seahawks and if it gets any worse this next season, they should just blow it all up and start again. Keep Russell Wilson and let everyone else go. You’ve built this thing up once, why can’t you do it again?
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: The past four years, NFL experts have predicted that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers will be that year’s “surprise” team. IT’S BOUND TO FUCKING HAPPEN EVENTUALLY RIGHT????
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: There are two things that really help when it comes to winning a Super Bowl. An elite head coach and an elite QB. Tampa Bay doesn’t have either. Now, they could go the Philadelphia approach and try winning a Super Bowl by having the best overall team in the NFL (especially on the offensive and defensive lines), but that’s asking a lot for a team with a mediocre roster at the moment.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Marcus Mariota.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Mike Vrabel.
Why They Will Win The Super Bowl: Alex Smith finally does it. On his third team, he leads the Washington Redskins to the promised land. All of the Alex Smith jokes get put to bed. You can no longer make fun of the fact that he has tiny hands. You can no longer make fun of the fact that he “can’t throw the deep ball” (a false narrative by the way). It’s Alex Smith’s time and when the camera asks him where he’s going to go now that he’s won the Super Bowl. He’s going to give everyone looking on two middle fingers and say “Your momma’s house”. BOOM MIC DROP.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Alex Smith. I love the guy, but he was my favorite team’s QB the past five seasons. The guy wins in the regular season but his teams seem to falter in the post-season. Who’s fault was that? Smith’s? Andy Reid’s? I think we are about to find out when Smith takes the field next season for the Redskins.