We’ve reached the final act of the 2017 National Football League season. Two teams that I could not care less about are meeting to determine a champion. One franchise has won many Super Bowls & we’re tired of them. One franchise thinks they have won many Super Bowls & we’re tired of them. It’ll be a good game, and we’ll temporarily forget how tired we are of Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, Robert Kraft, and whoever else is involved in this game. Does anybody else matter? Probably not.
As always, one of the best things about the Super Bowl is all of the ridiculous prop bets involved. People actually bet money on these things, I’m told. If you’re one of them, here’s some free advice! And don’t forget to send me a cut.
What color will Pink’s hair be when she starts to sing the national anthem?
- Pink/red +150
- White/blond +175
- Brown/black +400
- Blue/purple +500
- Green +500
Pink seems to have favored the white/blond look as of late. I can see why people might think she’d go with the pink she’s known for, but she can always wear pink.
How many times will Carson Wentz be mentioned during the broadcast?
- OVER 3.5 -150
- UNDER 3.5 +110
You know Al Michaels & Cris Collinsworth will run Wentz’s absence from the game into the ground. Whether Nick Foles is highly successful or falls flat on his face, his status as somebody that only started two regular season games is worth talking about. As is the status of the guy he replaced.
How many times will Janet Jackson be mentioned during the broadcast?
- OVER 1.5 EVEN
- UNDER 1.5 -140
Nobody’s touching this one with a ten foot pole. Somebody might allude to one of Justin Timberlake’s previous halftime appearances, but they won’t go OH YEAH REMEMBER JANET’S BOOB?
Will Justin Timberlake cover a Prince song during the halftime show?
- YES -140
- NO EVEN
I’m guessing Purple Rain.
Will Al Michaels refer to the spread on the game?
- YES +110
- NO -150
Of course he will. Now that Brent’s dead & gone, Uncle Al is our go-to degenerate gambling announcer.
What color will Bill Belichick’s shirt be at kickoff?
- Blue -125
- Gray +150
- Red +750
- White +750
I might be completely making this up, but I think Belichick has a better record with gray attire than any other color he’s worn during Super Bowls. Somebody correct me if I’m wrong.
How many times will the temperature outside the stadium be mentioned during the broadcast?
- OVER 1 -140
- UNDER 1 EVEN
DID YOU GUYS KNOW IT’S COLD IN MINNESOTA IN FEBRUARY?
Will Donald Trump be mentioned on the broadcast?
- YES -150
- NO +110
Unless he’s in Robert Kraft’s box, I see no reason why he would be.
Team to score last in the game
- Philadelphia Eagles +110
- New England Patriots -140
I’m surprised one can’t get a better price on the Eagles. We all know how this is ending. Speaking of which…
Philadelphia vs. New England (-4.5)
The Eagles will get a lead. We’ll think the Patriots actually have a chance of losing. Tom Brady will lead them down the field & win. We’ve seen this a couple of times now.
Thanks to everybody that’s kept up with us here at THE USB! I’ll be back…at some point.