HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!
We all have something to be thankful for this year. It may not feel like it at times, but it’s true. You know who else has something to be thankful for this year? Every single NFL team. Just like in our personal lives, it may not feel like NFL teams have anything to be thankful for, BUT WE WILL FIND SOMETHING FOR EVERY TEAM, I PROMISE!!!!
The Arizona Cardinals Should Be Thankful For:
A QB-Heavy NFL Draft
The Cardinals are in desperate need of a young quarterback to lead the team for the next 10-15 years. That guy is currently not on their roster. Carson Palmer is 85 years old and is brittle as fuck. Back-up Drew Stanton shouldn’t even be on an NFL roster. Luckily the Cardinals are awful enough this season that they should be in a good spot to grab one of the young quarterbacks in next year’s NFL Draft. Who will it be Arizona? Sam Darnold? Josh Rosen? Josh Allen? Baker Mayfield? Mason Rudolph? You’re going to have a lot of great choices. Don’t mess this up.
The Atlanta Falcons Should Be Thankful For:
You Can’t Re-live The Past
What’s already happened is in the past. The Atlanta Falcons blew a 21-point lead in the Super Bowl last season, but the good news is….NO ONE REMEMBERS! Why? Because that was last year and this is an entirely new season where the Falcons start with a clean slate. No one is giving the Falcons a hard time for what happened last year, right?
The Baltimore Ravens Should Be Thankful For:
The Baltimore Ravens are a middle-of-the-road football team. They are absolutely dreadful on offense. Like they might be the NFL’s worst offensive team and it’s not even close. The reason that the Ravens are still in the AFC playoff picture is because much like the sun coming up and going down every day, the Ravens defense is old reliable. There are two things you can count on every year from the Ravens. One of them is Joe Flacco being a below-average QB that Ravens fans still like for some reason. The other is the defense is going to be good.
The Buffalo Bills Should Be Thankful For:
Tyrod Taylor is a good NFL QB. He’s not a great one, but he’s the kind of guy that can get the job done when needed. Unfortunately for him, the Buffalo Bills have no idea what to do with him. The Bills started out hot this year and have fallen off the cliff recently. In an order to help revitalize the team a bit, the Bills decided to stupidly bench arguably their best offensive player and replace him with NATHAN FUCKING PETERMAN! It was a move that drew criticism from everyone and Peterman responded by coming out and throwing FIVE INTERCEPTIONS! Ya, real good call there by the Bills. Taylor is your best offensive player not named LeSean McCoy. How about you keep him on-the-field ya fuck nuts? There’s a reason you never get nice things.
The Carolina Panthers Should Be Thankful For:
Trading Over-Rated Wide Receivers
Carolina Panthers fans were ready to hit the panic button once the Panthers shockingly traded wide receiver Kelvin Benjamin to the Bills a few weeks back. I told Panthers fans to cool their jets a little bit as I personally always considered Kelvin Benjamin to be a little over-rated as far as being a #1 NFL wideout is concerned. Since that trade went down, the Panthers are 2-0 and the Bills are 0-3. Benjamin has caught just four passes for 62 yards and is now battling injury issues again. This is why you don’t fall in love with over-rated wide receivers NFL fans.
The Chicago Bears Should Be Thankful For:
He’s good, right? Maybe not, but maybe so. I don’t know? You try coming up with something that the Chicago Bears should be thankful for. I’ll wait.
The Cincinnati Bengals Should Be Thankful For:
Consistency is an underrated trait in the NFL. Look at the most successful teams in the NFL the last few years. The New England Patriots. The Seattle Seahawks. The Baltimore Ravens. The Pittsburgh Steelers. You know what those teams all have in common? Consistency at the head coach position. It’s obvious the Cincinnati Bengals are following suit with some of the other most successful NFL teams and it’s only a matter of time before it pays off big-time. We all laugh at the Bengals and talk about how they should have fired Lewis five years ago, but they will get the last laugh when they are hoisting the Lombardi Trophy at the end of the 2028-29 season.
The Cleveland Browns Should Be Thankful For:
A QB-Heavy NFL Draft
Don’t fuck this up Browns. You guys are going to have the #1 overall pick. This year’s NFL Draft is the most loaded draft at the QB position in YEARS. It’s all setting itself up perfectly for Cleveland to grab the guy of the future. They are going to fuck this up somehow though, won’t they? They’ll get the #1 overall pick and take Baker Mayfield #1 overall because they like his “attitude” and his “grit”. This will be a big decision for the Browns, which means it’s going to go bad.
The Dallas Cowboys Should Be Thankful For:
Most Dallas Cowboys fans will probably think they should be most thankful for Ezekiel Elliott. NOT SO FAST MY FRIENDS! Tyron Smith is the most important player on this roster. He’s the best left tackle in football when he’s healthy and when he doesn’t play, we’ve all seen first-hand what happens with the Cowboys. Tyron Smith is the most important player for the Cowboys on the offensive side of the ball much like Sean Lee is the quarterback of the Cowboys defense. Without those guys, Dallas is just a middle-of-the-road team.
The Denver Broncos Should Be Thankful For:
A QB-Heavy NFL Draft
John Elway is an overrated NFL executive. If it wasn’t for signing Peyton Manning YEARS ago in free agency, Elway’s roster moves would look like a “who’s who” of shitty players. The Broncos are a mess at the QB position. Trevor Siemian was the worst starter this season in the league before being benched. The team brought Brock Osweiler back and quickly realized that he still sucks. Now they are going to give the ball to former first-round pick Paxton Lynch and chances are he’s going to lick donkey balls as well. Denver should be thankful that there are a ton of QB’s in next year’s NFL Draft. John Elway and his big old horse teeth can draft seven of them and one of them will hit for sure.
The Detroit Lions Should Be Thankful For:
When the Detroit Lions signed QB Matthew Stafford to a fat contract extension in the off-season, a lot of NFL fans laughed. I wasn’t one of those people. If there is one position that you spend a ton of money on in the NFL, it’s the quarterback position. Matthew Stafford has quietly been one of the top 10 quarterbacks in the league since arriving in the NFL. If you don’t pay that guy fat QB money, than who deserves it? WHO???? Look at Stafford’s stats again this season. He’s a top 5 QB right now folks. All of you people who scoffed at his contract extension look stupid right now. Stafford is a stud and Detroit is lucky to have him.
The Green Bay Packers Should Be Thankful For:
Have you SEEN the Green Bay Packers without Aaron Rodgers this season? No explanation needed.
The Houston Texans Should Be Thankful For:
Before going down with an unfortunate ACL injury, Deshaun Watson was one of the highlights and surprises of the season. We all thought there was a chance that Watson could be good in the NFL, but no one knew he would be that good that early. Before his injury, Watson was tearing up the league and it looked like the Texans finally got themselves a franchise QB. I’m excited to see what Watson can do next year when he returns healthy.
The Indianapolis Colts Should Be Thankful For:
I’m beginning to notice a trend here. Much like the three previous teams before them, the Indianapolis Colts should be thankful for their quarterback, and in this case it’s Andrew Luck. We’ve all seen what the Colts are like without Luck and it’s not good. It’s unfortunate that Luck is unhealthy this year and we are being robbed of one of the best young QB’s in the league, but that’s life. The Colts will end up with some decent draft picks this season and I have faith that new GM Chris Ballard will surround this team with talent in no-time at all. Andrew Luck is going to be pissed when he returns next season and the Colts will finish 10-6 and make the playoffs. How’s that for an early prediction?
The Jacksonville Jaguars Should Be Thankful For:
Don’t look now, but the Jacksonville Jaguars are 7-3 on the season and are riding a four-game win streak at the moment. A big reason why the Jaguars are one of the NFL’s surprise teams at this point in the season is their defense. Going into this season, the Jaguars defense looked really good on paper and these guys are getting results on-the-field. Jacksonville currently has the #1 ranked defense in the NFL and these guys aren’t going to let up anytime soon. The Jaguars are going to make the playoffs and may even end up getting a post-season victory this season and the defense will be the reason why.
The Kansas City Chiefs Should Be Thankful For:
The Chiefs have seemed to have forgotten how to use Kareem Hunt over the course of the last few weeks and they’ve paid for it in the win column. Kansas City was one of the hottest teams to start out the season and Hunt was a big reason why. If Andy Reid and his coaching staff can get their heads out of their asses and figure out how to properly use Hunt again, the Chiefs will start eating “W”s again. The signing of Darrelle Revis is a close second as I personally feel he’s going to be a steal of a signing at this point in the season for Kansas City.
The Los Angeles Chargers Should Be Thankful For:
THAT PASS RUSH!
Don’t look now but the Los Angeles Chargers are the hottest team in the AFC West. A big reason why the Chargers are kicking ass and taking names all of a sudden is their dangerous pass rush on the defensive side of the ball. Joey Bosa and Melvin Ingram are both unblockable. You can’t stop them, you can only hope to contain them. The Chargers currently are in third place in the NFL in sacks and they do an amazing job disrupting the passer on a consistent basis. If the Chargers can sneak up and steal the AFC West, their pass rush will be a big reason why. It’s a game-changer for the Chargers.
The Los Angeles Rams Should Be Thankful For:
We all laughed when the Los Angeles Rams hired the 31-year old Sean McVay as head coach last off-season. How the hell would a 31-year old guy be able to lead a team of his peers and achieve success in the NFL? It seemed like McVay was being set-up for failure. Boy, were we wrong. The Rams are not only one of the hottest teams in the NFL up to this point, but McVay might be the NFL Head Coach of the Year. The way he’s changed Jared Goff’s game and turned Goff from what looked like a surefire bust into one of the NFL’s best young signal-callers is incredible. The Rams may have hit gold with the hire of McVay and the fan base has to be pumped at the moment.
The Miami Dolphins Should Be Thankful For:
Is Ryan Tannehill a good NFL QB? Who knows. What we do know is, with Tannehill as their QB last season, the Dolphins finished 10-6 and made the playoffs. Without Tannehill in the line-up thanks to an injury in the pre-season, the Dolphins are 4-6 and are currently riding a four-game losing streak. Not only that, but Miami has been shut out TWICE this season. TWICE! I guess we all got the answer we needed. Ryan Tannehill must be a good NFL QB. Miami is garbage on offense without him.
The Minnesota Vikings Should Be Thankful For:
Yeah, this one is boring but stay with me Vikings fans. There’s a reason that Minnesota is 8-2 on the year even though their top two quarterbacks are out with injuries. The general manager of the Vikings has put together one of the NFL’s best rosters from top-to-bottom. Spielman has been in Minnesota for a while now and doesn’t get the respect he deserves. Minnesota is a dangerous team and the guy who helped put the team together should be getting more love from NFL fans. You’re welcome Mr. Spielman. At least I appreciate you.
The New England Patriots Should Be Thankful For:
Just look at all those shiny rings….
The New Orleans Saints Should Be Thankful For:
I called it a few months ago y’all. I wrote a column where I picked a team that had the best long shot of winning the Super Bowl and I ended up with the New Orleans Saints as my team. Why exactly? Because I said with an elite head coach in Sean Payton and a franchise QB in Drew Brees, you can safely put some money on the line and trust these guys. Don’t look now, but the Saints are 8-2 on the season, they will make the playoffs, and it wouldn’t shock me at all to see them end up in the Super Bowl. If they end up winning the Super Bowl, it will be one of the greatest NFL stories of all-time in my opinion. It wasn’t that long ago that the Saints were doing their best to chase Sean Payton out-of-town and here he is once again doing one of the best head coaching jobs in the league.
The New York Giants Should Be Thankful For:
A QB-Heavy NFL Draft
Eli Manning is done everyone. It’s time for the New York Giants to move on and this is the perfect opportunity. The Giants actually have a good roster in my opinion, they just need to make a few changes. They need to let Ben McAdoo go because it’s obvious that he’s not an NFL head coach. They also need to draft a QB in the first-round of next year’s NFL Draft because the future is now in New York. Like I said, they have a pretty decent roster that just needs a few adjustments and one of those is a new franchise QB.
The New York Jets Should Be Thankful For:
A QB-Heavy NFL Draft
Much like a lot of other teams in this very column, the New York Jets need a quarterback and they should consider themselves extremely lucky that next year’s NFL Draft is very QB-heavy. Somehow someway, the Jets will end up screwing this pick up though.
The Oakland Raiders Should Be Thankful For:
The 2016 Season
Remember last season Oakland fans? That was fun wasn’t it? This season? Not so much. The Raiders are 4-6 on the season and the playoffs are still in grasps, but let’s be real….these guys are done. They just fired their defensive coordinator Ken Norton Jr. and some Oakland defensive players are coming out and publicly questioning whether or not they fired the right guy. That doesn’t bode well for Jack Del Rio, especially considering defense is his speciality AND HE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS BASICALLY IN CHARGE OF THE DEFENSE! There is turmoil within this team right now and I’m selling all of my 2017 Raiders stock. Del Rio might be on the hot seat at this point and he deserves it. Dude is just not a good head coach.
The Philadelphia Eagles Should Be Thankful For:
I mean, just look at that face guys. That’s got GOAT written all over it.
The Pittsburgh Steelers Should Be Thankful For:
Le’Veon Bell & Antonio Brown
“Big” Ben Roethlisberger has been all over the map this season and has even questioned his love for the game publicly. That’s not good. What is good is the Steelers still have two of the NFL’s best offensive players on their roster so the machine will continue to run smoothly. Bell currently leads the league in rushing yards and Brown currently leads the league in receiving yards. They are a big reason why the rest of the league hasn’t gone ahead and crowned the New England Patriots as AFC Champions yet. As long as the Steelers have these guys healthy, there’s always a Lombardi Trophy within reach.
The San Francisco 49ers Should Be Thankful For:
The Seattle Seahawks Should Be Thankful For:
I don’t think any team in the NFL has suffered the injuries the Seahawks have this season. I know every team has injuries, but the injuries the Seahawks have suffered this year have been incredible. I honestly feel like the Seahawks are a Russell Wilson injury away from being a 6-10 team this year. It’s pretty obvious up to this point that he IS the offense. If he goes down, how is this team going to score points? Seattle is just a mess right now. They might end up making the playoffs and if they do, that will be because Russell Wilson put the team on his shoulders and did the unthinkable.
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers Should Be Thankful For:
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have been one giant ball of disappointment this season. Honestly, a big reason why starts with the head coach position in my book. I never liked the hire of Dirk Koetter when the Buccaneers made it and I think they are paying for it right now. There are rumors going around that Jon Gruden wants to get back into coaching and he’s eyeballing a return to the Buccaneers as a possibility. Well, where there’s smoke there’s fire people. If these rumors are true, the Bucs need to back the Brinks trunk up to Gruden’s house and offer him whatever he wants. I tell you what man, that would be a slam dunk hire. Hey, how about that? I just used a basketball reference in a football column. That’s wild man.
The Tennessee Titans Should Be Thankful For:
No explanation needed.
The Washington Redskins Should Be Thankful For:
Don’t be stupid Washington. Don’t let this guy walk in the off-season. Pay him whatever he wants. Franchise quarterbacks don’t grow on trees and if you guys don’t want to pay Kirk Cousins what he’s worth, someone else will. If that happens, what are you guys left with? Trying to find another franchise QB. It’s a vicious cycle that you don’t want to get caught up in.
AND THAT’S THAT EVERYONE! Enjoy your Thanksgiving. I know I will.