We are back folks! After taking a week off last week for my daughter’s birthday (she’s a Halloween baby), we are back in full force and we are fully tilted towards the playoffs.

Can you believe it’s that time already? When November and December roll around, it’s time to knuckle up and get serious. It’s time for big boy football and if you aren’t ready, you will get left behind.

So who was ready this week and who got their asses left behind? Let’s take a look…….


NFL Sunday Round-Up

Week Nine



Most Impressive Teams Of The Week


New Orleans Saints: The New Orleans Saints are 6-2 and are currently riding a 6-game win streak. This team is going to make the playoffs, but you would know that being a hardcore reader of THE USB. Oh, you don’t know what I’m talking about? Allow me to remind you. Before this season started, I ran a column where I picked an extreme dark horse team to get to the Super Bowl and win. Last year we saw the Atlanta Falcons come out of nowhere and almost do it, so there had to be another team that fit that mold this year. After some serious investigation, I plugged the Saints as that team and told you guys to go to your local bookie and LAY THE HOUSE DOWN ON THEM! So far so good. If the Saints keep this up, I will have made a lot of you really rich. Not myself though, because I rarely use my own betting advice.


Philadelphia Eagles: The Eagles have the best record in the NFL and continue to play like it every week. Carson Wentz is playing like an MVP candidate even without his left tackle Jason Peters. How good is this Philadelphia team though? As of right now, they are absolutely rolling along and look unstoppable. Another week and another dominating performance by these guys. The Eagles have a bye week next week, but then they have to travel to Jerry’s World and take on the Cowboys in what should be a big game in the NFC East. If the Eagles win that one it’s a safe bet that the Eagles will finish 13-3 at worst with the #1 overall seed in the NFC. Fly Eagles Fly.


Los Angeles Rams: In my opinion, the Rams are the surprise team in the NFL this year and it’s not even close. Who saw this coming? Who had the Los Angeles Rams and JARED FUCKING GOFF at 6-2 halfway through the season and looking like not only one of the NFC’s best teams, but one of the NFL’s best teams? Somehow someway the Rams just keep getting the job done. They are the picture perfect example of what good coaching can do to an NFL team. The Rams have had a decent roster for years now, but under head coach Jeff Fisher, they were just treading water. Now with Sean McVay at the helm, this team is buzzing and they are going to buzz all the way right into the playoffs. Where is Jeff Fisher at these days anyway?


Jacksonville Jaguars: Jacksonville Jaguars as a playoff team sure has a weird ring to it, doesn’t it? At this rate though, it’s going to happen. The Jaguars are just too good defensively to not make the playoffs at this point. Screw Blake Bortles and his shitiness. There have been plenty of teams in the past that have overcome awful QB’s in order to win a Super Bowl. The Ravens did it with Trent Dilfer. The Bucs did it with Brad Johnson. The Broncos did it with an old beat-up Peyton Manning. And the Giants have done it multiple times with Eli Manning. It sounds weird, but these kinds of things happen in the NFL sometime. The Jaguars are making the playoffs everyone. The question is, are they good enough to win a playoff game in the NFL?


Indianapolis Colts: It wasn’t pretty, but Indianapolis got a win over a division rival on-the-road. The Colts still suck and have horribly mis-managed the Andrew Luck situation, but they got a win this week. Have to give them a little bit of credit.


Washington Redskins: The Seattle Seahawks are an amazing home team and they never seem to lose when they play in the Pacific Northwest. The Redskins were coming in reeling and no one was giving them a chance. It always seems like those are the teams you want to bank some money on though as Washington was able to sneak out a victory in the last remaining minute to win the football game. Can we stop with the “Kirk Cousins is not a good QB” stuff yet? The dude is legit. He just led a fourth-quarter comeback against one of the NFC’s best teams and looked great in doing so. Washington would be absolutely ridiculous to let him walk in free agency.


Dallas Cowboys: The Kansas City Chiefs are a good football team and the Dallas Cowboys had them on the ropes from beginning to end. It hasn’t been a great start of the season for Dallas, but this victory right here could be the one that gets things turned around. When the Cowboys defense holds other teams to under 20 points, it’s a win for sure for Dallas. The Chiefs offense just couldn’t get rolling and the Cowboys come away with a big much-needed win.


Arizona Cardinals: Arizona isn’t a good football team and they did beat the San Francisco 49ers this week, but a win is a win. And I know I’m repeating myself here, but whenever a team gets a win over a divisional opponent on the road….it’s impressive.



Most Disappointing Teams Of The Week


Denver Broncos: The Donkies are a mess right now. It’s time to stop giving a pass to John Elway. Elway is a mediocre executive who continues to whiff on quarterbacks. Trevor Siemian sucks monkey fucks. Brock Osweiler is even worse and yet he’s the starting QB for Denver. I’m officially out on the Broncos this year. All they had going for them was their “dominating defense” and Carson Wentz and the Eagles just torched them for 51 points. Denver sucks.


Cincinnati Bengals: Cincinnati is just awful right now. Why is Marvin Lewis still around at this point? Anyone? What do the Bengals have left to play for this year? A.J. Green hates being on this team so much that he tried to go full-on MMA against Jalen Ramsey and got his ass tossed from the game. The Bengals need to blow it all up guys. Let Lewis walk. Let Andy Dalton go suck somewhere else and start studying the upcoming QB’s in the draft. It’s pretty apparent that the Bengals need an offensive minded guy to get things turned around. This shit just isn’t working anymore.


Houston Texans: I don’t want to pile on Houston Texans fans while they are down, but it was not a good week for these guys. Not only did the Texans lose to the Colts this week, but they also lost their promising franchise QB Deshaun Watson to a torn ACL in practice. Watson was having an incredible season so far this year for the Texans and this injury sucks for not only Houston fans, but NFL fans in general. It’s been a bad year for injuries in the NFL and we need them to stop. These injuries are taking away some of the most exciting players to watch in the game and it’s been an exceptionally dreadful year this season.


Buffalo Bills: What the hell Bills? After all this talk of the Bills cracking that much-maligned playoff curse, Buffalo comes out and lays a stinker against a divisional rival in New York. I don’t need to remind everyone that the Jets were supposed to be one of the bottom-feeders in the NFL this year and yet they dominated the Bills on Thursday night. This was not a good game for Buffalo and one that could come back and bite them in the ass if they do end up missing the playoffs for what feels like the 32nd consecutive year.


San Francisco 49ers: 0-9. Can we start Jimmy G and see what we have? Don’t keep him on the bench all-year guys. On a related-note, I really need to stop betting money on the 49ers to cover spreads. These guys are garbage.



Players Of The Week

*These are the top fantasy football players of the week



1. Jay Cutler (Miami Dolphins)

2. Jared Goff (Los Angeles Rams)

3. Dak Prescott (Dallas Cowboys)

4. Tyrod Taylor (Buffalo Bills)

5. Carson Wentz (Philadelphia Eagles)


Running Backs:

1. Alvin Kamara (New Orleans Saints)

2. Corey Clement (Philadelphia Eagles)

3. Matt Forte (New York Jets)

4. Todd Gurley (Los Angeles Rams)

5. Adrian Peterson (Arizona Cardinals)


Wide Receivers:

1. T.Y. Hilton (Indianapolis Colts)

2. Doug Baldwin (Seattle Seahawks)

3. Alshon Jeffery (Philadelphia Eagles)

4. Terrance Williams (Dallas Cowboys)

5. Robert Woods (Los Angeles Rams)


Tight Ends:

1. Jared Cook (Oakland Raiders)

2. Julius Thomas (Miami Dolphins)

3. Travis Kelce (Kansas City Chiefs)

4. Evan Engram (New York Giants)

5. Trey Burton (Philadelphia Eagles)



1. New Orleans Saints

2. New York Jets

3. Jacksonville Jaguars

4. Arizona Cardinals

5. Seattle Seahawks


NFL Head Coach Stock Watch

Being an NFL head coach is one of the toughest jobs in the world. When your team is winning, everyone loves you. When your team is losing, everyone wants your head on a stake placed in front of the stadium for everyone to spit on. This section of the column will keep tabs of which coaches stocks are exploding and who’s stocks are dropping at a significant rate….



Andy Reid (Kansas City Chiefs)

Bill Belichick (New England Patriots)

Mike McCarthy (Green Bay Packers)

Sean Payton (New Orleans Saints)

Mike Zimmer (Minnesota Vikings)

Sean McVay (Los Angeles Rams)

Mike Tomlin (Pittsburgh Steelers)

Doug Pederson (Philadelphia Eagles)

Pete Carroll (Seattle Seahawks)


Mike Mularkey (Tennessee Titans)

Doug Marrone (Jacksonville Jaguars)

Jay Gruden (Washington Redskins)

Jason Garrett (Dallas Cowboys)

Bruce Arians (Arizona Cardinals)

Jack Del Rio (Oakland Raiders)

Todd Bowles (New York Jets)

Ron Rivera (Carolina Panthers)


Jim Caldwell (Detroit Lions)

John Harbaugh (Baltimore Ravens)

Bill O’Brien (Houston Texans)

Adam Gase (Miami Dolphins)

Anthony Lynn (Los Angeles Chargers)

Sean McDermott (Buffalo Bills)

Vance Joseph (Denver Broncos)

Dan Quinn (Atlanta Falcons)

Dirk Koetter (Tampa Bay Buccaneers)

Kyle Shanahan (San Francisco 49ers)


Marvin Lewis (Cincinnati Bengals)

John Fox (Chicago Bears)

Ben McAdoo (New York Giants)

Hue Jackson (Cleveland Browns)

Chuck Pagano (Indianapolis Colts)