WE ARE BACK!
The NFL column here at THE USB that looks back at all the action that went down on NFL Sunday (and THURSDAY)! With multiple games going on at once, it can all be a little hard to keep track of everything that goes down on NFL Sunday. That’s what this column is here for. It’s here to help make you guys look smart as you head into work on Monday morning.
Who were the most impressive teams of the weekend?
The most disappointing teams of the weekend?
Top fantasy players of the weekend?
Hell, we even keep track of how hot every single NFL’s coaching seat is in this column as well. And why do we do it? Because we love you, and we love football.
BLUE THIRTY TWO!
BLUE THIRTY TWO!
HUT HUT HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NFL Sunday Round-Up
Most Impressive Teams Of The Week
Kansas City Chiefs: Well duh? The Chiefs not only dominated the New England Patriots on Thursday night, but it was the worst beating the Patriots have suffered on their home turf since Bill Belichick and Tom Brady have been in town. The Patriots were 9 point favorites heading into the game and were celebrating their fifth Super Bowl win in a show that was a little much before the game. Perhaps that lit a fire under the Chiefs ass? I don’t know but Kansas City did everything right in this win over the Patriots. They played excellent defense. They played excellent offense and played almost mistake-free football. Andy Reid did the rare thing and out-coached Belichick and now (even though it may only be for one week), the KC Chiefs are the Super Bowl favorites in the AFC.
Oakland Raiders: The Tennessee Titans have one of the best rosters in the NFL in my opinion. The Raiders had to go into Nashville this week and beat a team that is a legit playoff team in my eyes. The Raiders not only got the victory, but they did so in impressive fashion with a double-digit win in which Derek Carr and the defense played pretty well. Oakland has to be feeling pretty good about itself right now after week one. That was a statement win in my view.
Baltimore Ravens: Anytime you can go into a division rival’s house and not only beat them, but MAUL them. It’s a good week. The Ravens traveled into Cincinnati and just put a beat down on the Bengals this weekend defensively. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on with Cincinnati, but if the Ravens defense plays like this on a weekly basis, they’re going to be extremely difficult to beat this season.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Oh, you picked the Jacksonville Jaguars to finish as one of the worst teams of the year in the NFL did you? You know how Jacksonville feels about that? THEY DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR OPINION APPARENTLY! Jacksonville got their 2017-18 campaign off to arousing start and it honestly couldn’t have gone any better. They went down to Houston and smacked the Texans in the mouth and beat them 29-7 in dominating fashion. Yeah, Blake Bortles only threw for 125 yards….but that’s about what we expect from that guy by now isn’t it? THE JAGS ARE 1-0 AND ARE IN FIRST PLACE IN THE AFC SOUTH BABY!
Philadelphia Eagles: Anytime you can beat a divisional rival on the road, you will be mentioned here. Carson Wentz looked good in this game throwing for over 300 yards against a solid Washington secondary. He’s going to need to be amazing next weekend when Philly travels to KC and plays against a defense that already knows his playbook. The Eagles playbook is the same one Andy Reid uses, so next week could be a nightmare one for Wentz and company.
Green Bay Packers: The Packers took the Seattle Seahawks best shot this weekend (and it was a good one) and survived by the skin of their teeth. It didn’t always look good for Green Bay either. In the first half, Seattle’s defense had Green Bay in check and it looked like it was going to be one of those kinds of games for Rodgers and the offense. But like I said, you can only contain Rodgers for so long before he starts pulling miracles out of his hat, which is exactly what he did in the second half. This was a huge win for the Packers who now have a huge heads up over the Seahawks in the NFC.
Los Angeles Rams: What a debut for new head coach Sean McVay. The Rams absolutely dominated the Indianapolis Colts in every aspect of the game. Somehow the Colts even made Jared Goff look like Tom Brady. I don’t know how they did it, but they did. What a great showing for the Rams this weekend, it’s just too bad no one was in attendance to see it.
Dallas Cowboys: HOW BOUT DEM COWBOYS?
Most Disappointing Teams Of The Week
Cincinnati Bengals: The Bengals opened up this NFL season with a 20-0 loss to the Baltimore Ravens AT home. Need I say anymore? Cincinnati is garbage.
Tennessee Titans: Man, what a disappointment this weekend from the Titans. Tennessee has a fantastic roster in my opinion and they are ready to compete with the big dogs in the NFL. At least, we thought they were. Oakland came into their house this weekend and won in impressive fashion. The Titans are going to need to do better if they plan on competing for a playoff spot this season.
Houston Texans: Losing to the Jacksonville Jaguars is never a good thing. Getting beat by the Jags at home 29-7 in your first game of the season is a fire-able offense in my eyes. The city of Houston really needed some good news, but unfortunately the Texans weren’t able to give them any this weekend. This was just an ugly game all-around for them.
New England Patriots: I don’t want to twist the knife, but how often will we see the Patriots make the list as one of the most disappointing teams of the week? Their showing against Kansas City on Thursday night was not a very good one. Patriots fans have every right to be worried about their defense and whether or not that unit is good enough to contend for a Super Bowl. When Alex Smith is lighting you up like that, you have big time concerns that need to be addressed immediately. I have 100% faith that the Patriots will get it figured out though. They are too good off a team to just tuck their tails in between their legs and call it a season. That’s not the Patriot Way.
Seattle Seahawks: The Seahawks offense is non-existent. The offensive line is still a big old pile of crap and Seattle not scoring any offensive touchdowns in the first week of the season has to be a concern going forward. We all know there are questions with the running backs and that showed this weekend. The Seahawks have a whole bunch of things that they need to get figured out on the offensive side of the ball before this thing gets ugly. The defense is still fantastic of course.
San Francisco 49ers: You guys lost me $50 because your offense couldn’t keep the score against Carolina within 6 points. Fuck off dicks.
Indianapolis Colts: I’ve said for years now that without Andrew Luck, the Indianapolis Colts are the worst team in the NFL. They didn’t have Andrew Luck this weekend and they looked like the worst team in the NFL. Sorry Colts fans, but sometimes I know what I’m talking about. When I preview every NFL team at the beginning of the year and I dissect a team’s roster, I remember shaking my head at just how awful this Colts team was on paper. Next time Luck takes the field, make sure you thank your lucky stars Colts fans.
New York Giants: What an ugly showing for the New York Giants on Sunday Night Football. Eli Manning was awful. The offensive line continues to be absolute crap. The running game was nowhere to be found (the Giants leading rusher had SIXTEEN YARDS). And if that wasn’t bad enough, their head coach looks like a high school principal that no one takes seriously. I’m not saying it’s time to hit the panic button in New York, but that was just a total horrendous showing from start-to-finish for New York. There’s a reason I wasn’t as high on this team as I was last season.
Players Of The Week
*These are the top fantasy football players of the week
1. Alex Smith (Kansas City Chiefs)
2. Matthew Stafford (Detroit Lions)
3. Carson Wentz (Philadelphia Eagles)
4. Derek Carr (Oakland Raiders)
5. Ben Roethlisberger (Pittsburgh Steelers)
1. Kareem Hunt (Kansas City Chiefs)
2. Leonard Fournette (Jacksonville Jaguars)
3. Mike Gillislee (New England Patriots)
4. Tarik Cohen (Chicago Bears)
5. LeSean McCoy (Buffalo Bills)
1. Antonio Brown (Pittsburgh Steelers)
2. Tyreek Hill (Kansas City Chiefs)
3. Kenny Golladay (Detroit Lions)
4. Golden Tate (Detroit Lions)
5. Danny Amendola (New England Patriots)
1. Austin Hooper (Atlanta Falcons)
2. Jesse James (Pittsburgh Steelers)
3. Jason Witten (Dallas Cowboys)
4. Charles Clay (Buffalo Bills)
5. Zach Ertz (Philadelphia Eagles)
1. Los Angeles Rams
2. Jacksonville Jaguars
3. Baltimore Ravens
4. Philadelphia Eagles
5. Pittsburgh Steelers
NFL Head Coach Stock Watch
Being an NFL head coach is one of the toughest jobs in the world. When your team is winning, everyone loves you. When your team is losing, everyone wants your head on a stake placed in front of the stadium for everyone to spit on. This section of the column will keep tabs of which coaches stocks are exploding and who’s stocks are dropping at a significant rate….
Andy Reid (Kansas City Chiefs)
Bill Belichick (New England Patriots)
Mike Tomlin (Pittsburgh Steelers)
Dan Quinn (Atlanta Falcons)
John Harbaugh (Baltimore Ravens)
Mike McCarthy (Green Bay Packers)
Sean Payton (New Orleans Saints)
Pete Carroll (Seattle Seahawks)
Jason Garrett (Dallas Cowboys)
Ron Rivera (Carolina Panthers)
Sean McDermott (Buffalo Bills)
Jim Caldwell (Detroit Lions)
Doug Marrone (Jacksonville Jaguars)
Anthony Lynn (Los Angeles Chargers)
Vance Joseph (Denver Broncos)
Mike Zimmer (Minnesota Vikings)
Adam Gase (Miami Dolphins)
Dirk Koetter (Tampa Bay Buccaneers)
Jack Del Rio (Oakland Raiders)
Doug Pederson (Philadelphia Eagles)
Bruce Arians (Arizona Cardinals)
Mike Mularkey (Tennessee Titans)
Kyle Shanahan (San Francisco 49ers)
Jay Gruden (Washington Redskins)
Ben McAdoo (New York Giants)
Marvin Lewis (Cincinnati Bengals)
Bill O’Brien (Houston Texans)
John Fox (Chicago Bears)
Hue Jackson (Cleveland Browns)
Chuck Pagano (Indianapolis Colts)
Todd Bowles (New York Jets)