Been awhile since I’ve had some spare time to hop into the time machine. Will the son of a bitch still even work properly?
Let’s find out……
The Time Machine: Monday Night RAW – Episode 18
We are at the Manhattan Center once again with Vince McMahon, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan and Randy “Macho Man” Savage. We get a run down of tonight’s card which will start with a King of the Ring qualifying match-up….
Doink The Clown
Like I said earlier, this is a King of the Ring qualifying match. The winner gets the last spot in the upcoming first ever KotR tournament. Doink comes down and immediately goes under the ring for some reason. We now go outside to Lord Alfred Hayes who is with Doink The Clown, even though we just saw Doink go under the ring. THE GUY IS A MAGICIAN! Personally, I believe the world would be better if we had 1,000,000 Doink’s running around, but what do I know? Doink attacks Perfect as soon as he gets in the ring and starts choking him with his own towel. Doink takes the towel and let’s everyone know that he’s “zestfully clean” before tossing it aside. Perfect hits Doink in the stomach and whips him into the ropes and clotheslines him with the towel. Perfect now has the advantage on Doink, but the two start trading blows. Perfect gets Doink down and lands a shot on his knee. Perfect continues to work on the knee as Doink heads to the ropes for some recovery time. Perfect goes to the outside and slams Doink’s knee into the barricade. And now it’s time for a commercial…..
We are back and Perfect is still beating on Doink. Doink finally kicks Perfect and knocks him down. Doink chops Perfect in the corner and follows that up with some shots and tosses him out of the ring. Doink goes to the ring apron and drops an axe handle onto Perfect and slams his head into the turnbuckle. Doink gets back in the ring and pulls Perfect back in. Perfect punches Doink, but Doink just knocks him back off the ring apron. Doink pulls him back in the ring again and slams him down. Perfect counters with a head scissors though and now he’s in control. Doink eventually gets to the ropes though and the ref breaks the hold. Doink gets up and starts nailing Perfect with some kicks. Doink goes to the corner and starts laughing. He goes back over and grabs Perfect’s arm and takes him down and some chain wrestling ensues. Perfect gets up and hits Doink with a huge shot in the knee and Doink is now begging for mercy. Perfect continues to beat on him though and takes him down and starts working on the knee some more. He gets the clown with a couple two-counts, but Doink keeps kicking out. They get up and Doink starts biting Perfect as he falls out of the ring again. Doink gives chase and slams Perfect into the turnbuckle again and beats on him some more. Perfect eventually gets back into the ring though but Doink grabs his arm. Doink slams Perfect’s arm into the turnbuckle and gets back into the ring. Doink starts choking Perfect with his boot against the ropes and follows that up with a shoulder lock. Doink picks Perfect up and body slams him with Perfect’s arm behind his back. Doink goes for the pin and we are going to another commercial break…..
We are back and the two are squaring off in the middle of the ring. Perfect gets the advantage and clotheslines Doink out of the ring. And just like that another Doink runs down and goes under the ring. He grabs the original Doink and pulls him under the ring. The new Doink rolls out and acts like he’s hurt. Perfect goes to pull him into the ring, but Doink hits him in the stomach. Doink starts beating on Perfect now. He whips him into the corner and sunset flips him into the middle of the ring. He whips Perfect into the ropes, but Perfect counters with the PERFECT PLEX! 1……2…..3!!!! Mr. Perfect wins and he’s going to the King of the Ring. The original Doink comes out from under the ring and hits the top rope while Mr. Perfect is being held by the other Doink. He nails Perfect with a big shot and the two Doinks continue to beat on him. Crush comes running out of the back and he’s getting him some of the clowns now. He beats the crap out of both Doink’s as the fans go crazy. This was an awesome match. Have I mentioned how much I love evil Doink the Clown? One of the best characters ever.
Winner: Mr. Perfect via Perfect Plex
It’s now time once again for the King of the Ring report! We go to “Mean” Gene Okerlund who is here with a run down of the card:
-Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna (for the WWE Championship)
King of the Ring Tournament:
-Bret Hart vs. Razor Ramon
–“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
-Tatanka vs. “The Narcissist” Lex Luger
-Mr. Perfect vs. Mr. Hughes
My money is on Mr. Hughes. No one can scowl like that guy can.
Tony DeVito & Mike Bell
Ted DiBiase grabs the mic and blesses us all with some words real quick:
Ted DiBiase: I’ve said it once and I’ve said it a million times in the past. Everyone’s got a price for the Million Dollar Man. But especially all you New Yorkers. You always have your hands out looking for a quick buck. But right here tonight. I’m going to illustrate my point one more time. I have a hundred dollars. Irwin. It looks like you and I need a shoe shine. Do we have any volunteers? Who wants to make a hundred bucks?
(A guy comes from out of the audience and shines the shoes of Money Inc.)
Money Inc. gives the kid his money, but not before Irwin taxes the kid. This was just a big giant waste of time. Anyway, DiBiase starts things off with Mike Bell. Bell whips him into the ropes, but DiBiase gives him a shoulder block. DiBiase tags in Irwin and he goes to the top rope and drops a fist on Bell. He grabs Bell’s leg and kicks him while the crowd chants “Irwin”. Bell tags in DeVito and Irwin starts beating on him. Irwin gets the tag to DiBiase and he knocks DeVito down. DiBiase starts choking DeVito with the top rope and follows that up with a clothesline that sends him flying out of the ring. He goes outside and throws him back into the ring. He makes the tag back to Irwin and he starts beating on DeVito. Irwin whips DeVito into the ropes and hits him with an elbow. He makes the tag to DiBiase and DiBiase kicks DeVito straight in the mouth. He starts choking DeVito with the top rope again and knocks him down. A suplex to DeVito now and DiBiase goes for the cover, but he’s not done yet. He tags Irwin back in and he hits DeVito with a double underhook suplex. He makes the tag back to DiBiase and he powerslams DeVito and tags Irwin back in. Irwin with the WRITE-OFF and he goes for the pin. 1…..2……3! Money Inc. wins the match.
Winners: Money Incorporated via the Write-Off
Bobby Who actually starts things off with a full nelson on Crush. Crush gets out of it pretty quickly though. They lock up again and Crush backs him into the ropes, but Who rakes him in the eyes and starts beating on Crush. That doesn’t last long as Crush suplexes Who in the middle of the ring and legdrops him. Who does the smart thing and rolls out of the ring, but Crush goes after him. Crush hits him with a clothesline on the outside and throws Who back into the ring. A bearhug from Crush now as Bobby Who is in a lot of trouble. Crush eventually lands a belly to belly suplex and poses for the crowd. Crush picks Who up above his head and slams him down. And now it’s time to CRUSH some skulls! Skull Crusher to Who and this one is OVER!
Winner: Crush via Skull Crusher
Down at ringside, Heenan and Savage are pimping All-American Wrestling. Watch it or your kids will die. Hey, I didn’t say it. They did.
Up in the ring, Vince is getting ready to interview Razor Ramon who is hot after losing to that punk ass 1-2-3 Kid last week….
Vince McMahon: I must say. I guess we all couldn’t believe our eyes when you were humiliated by that youngster who was out here. How did it feel?
Razor Ramon: Laugh it up, McMahon. Silencio. Everybody listen to me. That stick man. That little cockroach did not beat Razor Ramon. Nobody beats the Bad Guy. I’m the main man in the WWF. And you know it and everyone here knows it.
VM: Well, there’s no question that was an upset. But it proves that at any one time anyone can be defeated here in the WWF and then it shows up in the record book as a defeat.
(Crowd chants “1-2-3”)
RR: OK, yo. “Stick man”. I don’t even know your name and I don’t care. I’am somebody important chico. Now I’ve got a deal for you. Mira, mira, chico. $2,500 cash. These people here would sell their mothers for this kind of money. All you gotta do you little cock roach is come down and step into the ring with Razor Ramon. Otra vez. One more time. That’s it man.
VM: Wait a minute. You’re offering this young man $2,500 to come back and step into the ring against you?
RR: $2,500 for you Chico. All you gotta do is come down here because Razor Ramon will not have people laughing. Nobody calls Razor Ramon a loser.
VM: All right. Well, one other item I would like to bring up Mr. Ramon is the King of the Ring tournament. Everyone knows that in the opening round you face the “Hitman” Bret Hart.
(Bret Hart makes his way down to the ring)
VM: Mr. Ramon, can I direct your attention right over here? This is the man who you will face.
RR: This is my interview time “Hitman”. This is my interview.
(Crowd chants “1-2-3” again)
Bret Hart: Hey, it happens to the best of us. But you know something? For a guy that’s supposed to be getting all psyched up to be the “King of the Ring”. A guy who should be doing his homework for something that important. The “King of the Ring”. You’d think “Mr. Machismo” Razor Ramon would have the wrestling ability to get past one of the bottom guys. One of the underneath guys. One of the rookies just beat “Mr. Machismo”. You know what I think? I think it’s going to be “1-2-3” in the “King of the Ring” tournament because you haven’t done your homework big boy.
VM: Well, how are you gonna beat Bret “The Hitman” Hart when you couldn’t defeat that young man? It could be “1-2-3-” all over again Razor Ramon.
That was a waste of time. Why not have the “1-2-3 Kid” come out and get a little heat instead of Bret Hart who doesn’t need it at all? Vince McMahon was real stupid in 1993.
Bobby Heenan is once again sitting ringside and watching multiple televisions. All of a sudden his screens get scrambled and when they come back it’s JOHNNY POLO on the screen….
Polo lets Heenan know that everything is OK. The power just went out as a result of his newest protege…ADAM BOMB! THIS GUY SOUNDS AWESOME!!!!!
Bomb takes Apollo into the corner and starts unloading on him. He then smashes his head into the other turnbuckle and Apollo goes down. Vince reminds us that the 1-2-3 Kid beat Razor Ramon, so Apollo could very well beat Adam Bomb. Way to hype up your new guys Vince. Bomb hits Apollo with a dropkick and follows that up with a suplex. Bomb starts talking shit to the crowd and goes back to beating on Apollo some more. A back elbow sends Apollo to the mat and Bomb picks him up and throws him out of the ring. Bomb goes outside and throws Apollo into the barricade now and then throws him back into the ring. Bomb goes to the top rope and hits Apollo with a clothesline. Powerbomb to Apollo now and that’s all she wrote folks. Adam Bomb should be WWE champion within six months. This dude rocks.
Winner: Adam Bomb via Powerbomb
Apparently next week Marty Jannetty will be defending his WWE Intercontinental Title against Bam Bam Bigelow and Bigelow is backstage to pimp the match. McMahon informs us that Bigelow will have Luna Vachon in his corner while Marty Jannetty will have Sensational Sherri in his. That sure sounds like a good ol’ time. SEE YOU THERE!!!!