Here we are, lucky #13 in the long run of Monday Night RAW. After 12 episodes, we’ve only had like one good one so far. Since this is the 13th episode, it’s bound to be good, right? RIGHT?
Let’s find out…..
The Time Machine: Monday Night RAW – Episode 13
And right away, we have a backstage pre-taped interview with Money Incorporated:
Ted DiBiase: (Evil laugh) You two bleach blonde morons think you’re gonna bankrupt Money Incorporated when the Mega Maniacs couldn’t even do it? Who are you fooling?
Irwin R. Schyster: You’re gonna find out when you cross Money Incorporated’s path, you pay the price and Beverly Brothers, tonight, you’re gonna pay.
Blake Beverly: Money Inc., tonight, right here in front of everyone, we’re gonna show you how much you’re worth.
Beau Beverly: We’re gonna bankrupt you right here on Monday Night RAW.
They lock-up and Razor gets a wrist lock on Virgil. Virgil is able to counter though into a wrist lock of his own. Razor gets into the ropes though and Virgil breaks the hold. Waist lock by Virgil now, but Razor once again goes into the ropes. They lock-up once more and Razor gets the headlock takedown, but Virgil quickly reverses that into a scissor lock, but Razor gets his foot on the ropes. They get up and Razor backs Virgil into the corner and starts hammering on him. He goes for a bodyslam but Virgil gets a roll-up pin instead and gets a two count. Another wrist lock by Virgil now as the fans break out in a “Razor” chant even though he’s a heel. Razor whips Virgil into the ropes and goes for a hip toss, but Virgil counters into a hip toss of his own. Virgil then goes for a weird roll-up pin that doesn’t work out at all. He gets up and whips Razor into the ropes and goes for a dropkick, but Razor holds onto the ropes and Virgil whiffs. Razor starts stomping on Virgil and choking him with the top rope. Big right by Razor sends Virgil down. Razor picks him up and puts on the abdominal stretch now as the fans continue to chant “Razor”. Virgil is able to escape and goes for an elbow, but that misses. Razor hits an elbow of his own and picks him up. Bodyslam by Razor and he starts slapping Virgil’s head. He goes to slam his head into the turnbuckle, but Virgil counters. That doesn’t last long as Razor starts beating on him again. Razor starts choking Virgil with the bottom rope and applies an STF. Virgil is finally able to grab the ropes and was trying to get the crowd pumped up, but they just don’t care about him. Razor gets him up and whips him into the ropes, but Virgil counters and slams Razor’s head against the mat. Virgil goes into the corner and Razor charges him, but Virgil puts his feet up. Virgil goes to the second rope and hits a clothesline. He tries to whip Razor into the corner, but Razor counters. Virgil jumps on the second rope and goes for a splash, but Razor moves. Razor picks him up and RAZOR’S EDGE to Virgil! 1….2…..3! Let’s go home.
Winner: Razor Ramon via Razor’s Edge
Down at ringside, we have Vince McMahon, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, and yes….Rob Bartlett is still around unfortunately. The good news is, GIANT GONZALEZ IS COMING UP NEXT!!!!
Giant Gonzalez runs down to the ring and yes, it looks just as awkward as it sounds. Howard Finkel says Giant Gonzalez is eight-feet tall, which is so not true. L.A. Gore is outside of the ring and the Giant Gonzalez just grabs him by the face and pulls him in the ring. He grabs him by the throat and whips him into the ropes and nails a weak ass clothesline. He picks him up again and whips him into the ropes once more and kicks him in the chest. A big chop by Gonzalez now. He grabs Gore by the throat and hits him with a chokeslam. 1…..2…..3! What a five-star classic that was.
Winner: Giant Gonzalez via chokeslam
Pretty sure this was the last we see of Giant Gonzalez, but I could be wrong. He might make one or two more appearances and bless us with more awesomeness. Now it’s time for a backstage pre-taped interview with Luna Vachon:
Luna Vachon: Sensational One, our history is rich with pain and then violence and evil. At WrestleMania, I walked down that aisle a princess, no a goddess, and you….you had to put your nose into my business, where it never belonged. I beat you. I beat you to the ground. The pain, the pain and the anguish. You’re mine. Did it stop there? Oh no. I hunted you down and found you and gave you a beating at the first aid station. And then you truly witnessed my fury. And finally here, last Monday night on RAW. I tore your flesh. I tore your clothes. I tore your very soul. Sensational One.. From this day forth. I will haunt your very breath. I will be your shadow in the darkness and then soon, very very soon, I will wipe you from this Earth. And I, Luna Vachon, I will be the goddess of the squared circle.
Tatanka again? I swear this guy was on every single Monday Night RAW when it first started. That’s pretty impressive considering television time was hard to come across back then. Thomas knows what to do though and attacks Tatanka from behind. He slams Tatanka’s head into the turnbuckle. Thomas starts hammering away on Tatanka in the corner now. Thomas whips Tatanka into the ropes and hits him with an elbow. He slams his head into the turnbuckle once more. He whips Tatanka into the other corner and starts hitting him with some more shots. This isn’t looking good for Tatanka’s undefeated streak. Tatanka finally grabs Thomas and gets him in an arm bar. Tatanka with the body slam now and he goes for an elbow drop, but Thomas moves. Thomas slams his head into the turnbuckle, but Tatanka is starting to hulk up. Chop by Tatanka! Another chop! And we all know where this is going. Samoan Drop by Tatanka. 1…..2…..3! And yes, he’s still undefeated even though he did like 4 offensive moves during this match.
Winner: Tatanka via Samoan Drop
The Beverly Brothers
Irwin R. Schyster makes sure to call us all tax cheats before the match. It’s awfully rude if you ask me. How does he know I cheat on my taxes? Money Incorporated immediately go on the attack. The Beverly’s start to fight back and Vince informs us that “no one really cares who wins this match”. ALRIGHTY THEN! It’s complete pandemonium, but eventually we get Blake Beverly with DiBiase, until he throws DiBiase out of the ring. The Beverly’s are now in the ring while Money Incorporated circle outside. DiBiase finally gets back in the ring and locks up with Blake. Blake gets a wrist lock on DiBiase, but DiBiase reverses it. Blake reverses it though as Vince doesn’t know which Beverly Brother is in the ring. DiBiase has a headlock on Blake now, but Blake whips him into the ropes. Shoulder block by DiBiase. Blake gets up and DiBiase goes off the ropes and kicks him in the face. An elbow drop by DiBiase misses. Body slam by Blake and he grabs a wrist lock and tags in Beau. Beau goes off the top and hits DiBiase’s arm. He gets a wrist lock on and starts hammering away on DiBiase. Beau tags Blake back in and they start to double-team DiBiase. Blake gets DiBiase in an arm bar now. He tags Beau in again and Beau comes in and gets a wrist lock now. He puts DiBiase into the ropes and starts pounding on him. He tags Blake back in and Blake grabs DiBiase as DiBiase is trying to make the tag. Blake is preventing DiBiase from reaching his corner, but DiBiase does and gets the tag. Only problem is Beau Beverly was distracting the ref, so he didn’t see it. He sends Irwin back out as the Beverly’s double-team DiBiase some more. Blake gets an arm bar on DiBiase again. He tags Beau in and Beau goes off the top and hits DiBiase with an axe handle in the side. He grabs DiBiase’s arm now and they start to grapple. DiBiase gets the tag again, and I.R.S. comes in, but once again the ref didn’t see it and he sends him out of the ring. Meanwhile, Beau tags in Blake once more and he starts hammering on DiBiase and whips him into the corner. The Beverly Brothers know how to do this tag team thing. Blake sends DiBiase into the other turnbuckle, but DiBiase hits him with an elbow. He picks him up and slams him down. DiBiase finally gets the tag and Irwin comes running in. He goes an elbow drop on Blake, but that misses. Blake grabs Irwin’s arm and tags Beau back in. Beau goes to work on Irwin now. Irwin grabs Beau’s hair and pulls him down to the mat. Beau gets him into the corner and starts kicking him and tags Blake back in. Blake hits Irwin with a suplex and goes for the pin and gets a two count. They both get up and Blake backs Irwin up into the corner. Beau starts choking Irwin with his tie as Blake kicks him. Blake gets the tag again and we are going to commercial……
We are back and Irwin has a front head lock on Beau. Beau is in a lot of trouble. Blake tries to come into help, but the ref stops him. Meanwhile, DiBiase runs in and switches places with Irwin behind the ref’s back. He applies a front headlock to Beau now. He picks him up and backs him into the corner and starts chopping him and punching him. DiBiase whips him into the ropes, but Beau kicks him in the face. DiBiase gets the tag to Irwin and he stops Beau before he can make the tag to Blake. Irwin whips Beau into the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Beau ducks and hits Irwin with a clothesline of his own. Irwin gets over and makes the tag to DiBiase and he runs in and stops Beau before he makes the tag. He whips Beau into the ropes and goes for a back body drop, but Beau nails him with a swinging neck breaker. Both men are down. Beau finally gets the tag to Blake and he comes in and hits DiBiase with a head butt. He whips him into the ropes and gets a back body drop. Body slam by Blake. He walks over and tags Beau back in, a move that even Vince McMahon questions on commentary. Beau hits an elbow and goes for a cover and gets a two-count. He whips DiBiase into the ropes and hits him with an elbow. He whips him into the ropes again and this time it’s a back body drop. Beau goes for the cover and only gets a two-count. Blake runs in and sends Irwin flying out of the ring. The Beverly’s are double-teaming DiBiase now. Blake is holding DiBiase and Beau comes in for the clothesline. DiBiase moves and Beau hits Blake. DiBiase rolls up Beau now. 1….2….3! Money Incorporated steal the win in what was a pretty damn solid match.
Winner: Money Incorporated via roll-up pin
Vince McMahon is in the ring now. It’s time for an interview with former WWE champion Bret “The Hitman” Hart……
Vince McMahon: Bret, it was approximately two weeks ago when you stepped into the ring at WrestleMania, yet another standing ovation, but when you stepped into the ring at WrestleMania, you were wearing the World Wrestling Federation championship belt. Unquestionably, you knew as you faced this 400-plus pounder that, 500-plus pounder, that you were the underdog.
Bret Hart: Well, you know. It’s not the first time I’ve been an underdog. I think pretty much my entire career, whenever I’ve walked in the ring, for some reason I’ve always been an underdog. And uh, being the World Wrestling Federation champion was a very, very challenging thing for me. And I felt almost always when I went in the ring, somehow I always ended up being an underdog. And for some reason, I kind of liked that. I like going in the ring as an underdog and this won’t be the first time, I know a lot of people think that “The Hitman” is done. That I’m finished. That this is as high as I’m gonna go. But I don’t think they could be more wrong, because I’ve won and I’ve lost before. I’ve lost the World Tag Team titles twice. I’ve lost the Intercontinental Title twice. And I can remember all kinds of people, all the skeptics saying he’s finished, he’s done, that’s as good as “The Hitman” is ever gonna get. Well, they were all wrong. And they’re all wrong this time. Let me ask you something. Do I look like a beaten man? I feel just a little bit naked, that’s all. But I want everybody to know one thing. I believe in myself. I believe in my fans and I’m gonna–I’m gonna go straight right back up to the top. And the first thing I can do is make myself a little hit list, and that’s what I got. And the very first guy on my hit list is “The Narcissist” Lex Luger. Now you’re talking about someone running up to you and nailing you in the side of the head on the day of the biggest match of my entire lifetime. And I don’t even wanna give “The Narcissist” any credit for that. He wants to go around telling everybody that he cost me the title. Well, we will see all about that. Because Lex Luger, “The Narcissist” is the number one first priority on my hit list.
VM: Well Bret, there is an investigation as you know in terms of the forearm, a rather controversial forearm, and you were knocked unconscious at that WrestleMania brunch.
BH: Well, I’ve never been knocked out like that before. And I’ve been–I mean I’ve been hit with elbows, it sort of comes with the job. You get hit with elbows all the time. But I have never, ever, been hit with an elbow that hard. And I think Jack Tunney should put some kind of investigation into that elbow because I think there’s a little more to it than bone, let me put it that way.
VM: What will it take for you to once again realize you’re dream? What will it take for you once again to be World Wrestling Federation champion?
BH: It’s going to take for me to start out like I did before. I’m going to take “The Narcissist” and show him that this isn’t body building. This is wrestling. And when he steps into the ring with me, he will be stepping into the ring with the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. And then as far as the rest of them go, Yokozuna and even “The Immortal” Hulk Hogan, just remember one thing. “The Hitman” is coming straight, right back up to the top to get back what’s rightfully his. The World Wrestling Federation title.
The funny thing about this whole interview is, I don’t remember a feud between Bret Hart and Lex Luger at all. Maybe the WWE just dumped it after this? I guess we’ll find out in a few weeks.
Bam Bam Bigelow
Bam Bam is here and he’s pissed as usual. They lock-up and Apollo gets a head lock. Bam Bam just throws him into the ropes and whips him into the other side of the ring and finishes with a shoulder block that sends Apollo flying. Bam Bam picks him up and whips him into the ring and gets another shoulder block. And another shoulder block. Bam Bam is pumped folks. Off the ropes and Bam Bam hits a splash now. Snapmare and Bam Bam starts twisting Apollo’s neck. Bam Bam whips him into the ropes and charges the corner, but Apollo moves. Apollo goes for a dropkick but Bam Bam brushes it off. Suplex by Bam Bam and now Doink The Clown is here spraying people at ringside. Bam Bam throws Apollo across the ring and starts stomping on him. Doink looks like he’s heading to the back now. Bam Bam is still pounding away on Apollo though. Bam Bam whips him into the corner and hits a big splash. Apollo gets up and kicks Bam Bam in the gut, but Bam Bam hits him with a big clothesline. A bodyslam by Bigelow followed by a big splash. The crowd liked that one. Bam Bam is going to the top rope now. FLYING HEAD BUTT FROM BAM BAM! 1…..2…..3! That’s all she wrote.
Winner: Bam Bam Bigelow via Flying Head Butt
Bam Bam goes back to the top rope and hits Apollo with another flying head butt. Bam Bam doesn’t give a shit. Now Friar Ferguson is making his way down to the ring. OH SHIT BAM BAM!
Ferguson gets in the ring and covers Apollo’s body. Bam Bam was going up to the top again, but he stops and starts staring down Ferguson. Bam Bam starts stomping on Apollo and Friar shoves him. Friar takes his robe off and he wants a piece of Bam Bam, but the ref is breaking it up. Friar hits Bam Bam with a drop kick though and Bam Bam goes flying out of the ring.
We are back and Friar Ferguson is pouring water all over himself and praying in the ring. And that’s it for this week folks. This was a decent episode of RAW. The Money Inc./Beverly Brothers match was good and I’m always a fan of stuff like Friar Ferguson getting some main event time again. There’s nothing like devoting quality television time to a character that ended up just getting dumped a few weeks later.
Time to go back to 2017!