It’s time once again to hop back in the time machine and go back to 1993 and check out the SECOND ever episode of Monday Night RAW! The first episode was so great, how could the WWE ever top it? You got me.
Let’s roll baby….
The Time Machine: Monday Night RAW – Episode 2
We are joined once again at ringside by Vince McMahon, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, and that moron Rob Bartlett. I’m surprised he actually made it to a second show myself. Bartlett is holding a picture of someone and rips it up and says “fight the real enemy”. Apparently it was a picture of Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, but it was hard to tell since the camera didn’t really zoom in. Anyway, REPO MAN sneaks up from behind Randy Savage and starts beating him down. Repo steals Savage’s hat and he takes off. “Macho Man” must have had some unpaid bills in the amount of “COOL NEON HAT” and Repo was here to collect.
“Terrific” Terry Taylor
Just a little warning. I’m a huge Terry Taylor fan. I’m also a huge fan of Mr. Perfect, but Terry Taylor never got the respect he deserved. That dude was talented. Taylor gets right in Perfect’s face and is talking shit. They lock up. Taylor backs him into the ropes, but then breaks loose. Perfect slaps Taylor now. Savage is back at ringside doing commentary now. Apparently he couldn’t find Repo Man, so he still doesn’t have his hat back. That son of a bitch. Give the man his hat back! Taylor backs Perfect up into the corner and gives him some chops. Perfect counters with an irish whip and dropkicks Taylor. Taylor rolls out of the ring and Perfect gives chase. They get back in the ring, but Taylor just escapes again. Perfect takes Taylor down in a headlock now. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan decides to call into the show. He’s still not allowed in I guess. Perfect gets Taylor into the corner and starts chopping him. Taylor gives Perfect an eye poke. Arm drag to Taylor though and Perfect has him in an arm lock. Now some nice back-and-forth action that ends with another arm drag takedown into an arm lock.
And we’re back with Perfect still beating on Taylor. Taylor pulls Perfect out of the ring though. Taylor goes outside and nails Perfect with a big shot. He pulls Perfect back into the ring and gives him a jawbreaker. Taylor is now kicking Perfect. He picks him up and hits him with an illegal shot. Back breaker to Perfect and Taylor goes for the cover. 1…2….nope! The two start exchanging blows again as Taylor gets the advantage. He takes Perfect down and gets him in a chin lock. Perfect finally gets up, but Taylor nails him with a spine buster. 1…..2…..try again! Taylor picks up Perfect and hits him with a sit down power bomb. 1……2…..almost! Taylor starts arguing with the ref. Perfect gets up and they start exchanging punches again. Taylor is punching Perfect but he’s hulking up. He starts responding with some big shots. Knee to the face of Taylor! He smashes Taylor’s head into the turnbuckle now. Irish whip and a knee drop to the nuts of Taylor. Taylor goes down and Perfect nails his patented head snap. Uh oh. Here comes the “Nature Boy” Ric Flair to watch the show. Flair is begging Perfect to come out of the ring and fight him. Taylor jumps up behind Perfect and hits him with a knee to the back that knocks him out of the ring. Flair starts attacking Perfect now. Flair is beating him down while Taylor distracts the ref. Flair throws Perfect back into the ring. Taylor goes for a suplex, but Perfect counters it into the PERFECT PLEX!!! 1….2…..3!!!!! Put a nail in this one. She done.
Winner: Mr. Perfect via Perfect Plex
Once again we get a view of another RAW girl walking around holding a sign. I don’t know where they found these girls, but yikes. Vince’s taste definitely improved in the upcoming years.
We are back with Vince McMahon in the ring. He’s about to interview the WWF Champion, Bret “The Hitman” Hart!
Vince McMahon: Indeed, that is what it’s all about “Hitman”. The World Wrestling Federation Championship. That’s what you are going to be defending this coming Sunday afternoon at the Royal Rumble against one Razor Ramon. We had a occassion to visit with Razor Ramon last week. Ramon and I at RAW and he had some rather unkind things to say about you and your family for that matter.
Bret Hart: Well, you know. It’s one thing for Razor Ramon to say things about me. I can take it when somebody makes insults about me. I can handle that. But when somebody goes to the extent that he has got to jump my brother and kick him and beat him like a dog. You know, I don’t have very much respect for a person like that and you know what blows my mind even more than anything? Is Razor Ramon actually talking about slapping my father. You know, I would think that just about all wrestlers would respect my father. He’s going to be 78 years old. You know, I don’t care where you come from, but you just don’t even think about slapping a 78-year old. Not that my dad needs any help. Because you know something. Razor Ramon to me is the lowest scum in the World Wrestling Federation. He is at the very bottom of the barrel. As a matter of fact, he’s not at the bottom of the barrel. You got to tilt the barrel up and that is where you find scum like Razor Ramon.
VM: Well, “Hitman”. One on one with Razor Ramon. Is this going to be your typical technical type of match up or do you think we see somewhat of a different strategy from you?
BH: Well, everybody knows that the “Excellence of Execution” is famous for one thing. Technically I’m the best. This belt right here. The World Wrestling Federation title says that I’m the best wrestler. But when I get to the Royal Rumble. I think I’m going to throw that rule book right out the window. Razor Ramon, I’m going to kick you down Unconscious Street. I’m going to beat you from one end of the ring to the other. And let me make one thing perfectly clear. The Hart Family name will redeem itself at the Royal Rumble. And you will find out why I’m the World Wrestling Federation champion because I’m the toughest, meanest and the best.
Now we get a Headlock on Hunger commercial featuring the Undertaker. Because when I think “charity work”, I think of this man…..
Some Jobber (Glen Ruth)
Jannetty’s opponent is a jobber by the name of Glen Ruth. He has a much better run later in the WWE as “Thrasher” of The Headbangers. Ruth wants to shake hands and they do. Jannetty goes to turn his back and Ruth attacks him. Ruth whips him into the ropes, but Jannetty hits him with an elbow. Jannetty is going for a handshake now, but the ref stops it. Jannetty whips him into the ropes and gives him an arm drag into an arm lock submission. Ruth is up now and he starts kneeing Jannetty in the mid-section. Big clothesline from Jannetty knocks Ruth down. Shawn Michaels is now calling into the show to discuss his old partner Jannetty. That’s what the WWE is missing in current times. More phone calls on live TV. Jannetty does another arm drag into an arm lock submission because we all love stalling. Suplex to Ruth now and Jannetty points at the camera and talks some noise. He picks Ruth up and we get ANOTHER arm lock submission. Jannetty goes for the pin while still holding the submission. 1….2….ya right. Ruth gets up and now he has Jannetty in an wrist lock submission hold. This is THRILLING! Jannetty does some fancy flips and he counters it into a submission hold of his own. Is this an MMA fight or a WWE match? Ruth backs him up into the corner and starts punching his face. Jannetty counters and starts hitting Ruth with some shots. He throws Ruth into the other corner and he goes down hard. And it’s time for another wrist lock submission from Jannetty. Ruth escapes and gets him against the ropes. He whips Jannetty into the ropes, but Jannetty goes under his legs. Jannetty gets up and ROCKER DROPPER TO RUTH! 1….2…3….let’s go home!
Winner: Marty Jannetty via Rocker Dropper
We are back and apparently there is a member of the WWE that will not be partaking in the Royal Rumble this weekend. According to Vince, Crush will not be apart of the Rumble thanks to Doink The Clown. We now get a replay of a clip on WWF Superstars. Crush is confronting Doink on the outside of the ring and Doink has a flower and his arm in a cast. He’s offering the flower to Crush as an apology to make up for the crap he’s given him recently. Crush takes the flower and turns around and goes to hand it to a fan. Doink pulls his cast off and he has a fake arm under it. He starts beating the ever-loving hell out of Crush with it. I’ve mentioned how awesome “Evil” Doink was right? Matt Borne, you were the man. The officials finally come and pull Doink away and he’s laughing hysterically.
Back at the announce table, Randy Savage lets us know that the “word on the street” is that Doink’s fake arm was filled with lead. Ohhhhh, the things people gossip about these days. Errrr, those days. Whatever. You know what I’m talking about. Vince lets us know that Crush has suffered a concussion due to Doink’s attack so that’s why he’s out of the Rumble. That’s weird. If this was the NFL, he would have been wrestling Doink five minutes after the attack. Anyway, Vince kicks us out to Sean Mooney who is on the outside of the building once again.
Sean Mooney: Yes Vince, I can hear you. After all we saw at the top of the program, I’m sure everybody is looking for Repo Man. I think I’ve located him. Excuse me. Repo. Why the unprovoked attack on “Macho Man” Randy Savage”?
Repo Man: Because he was provoked. Was that great or what? When I came up from behind him, you fool. That was vicious. He was late on the payments on his hat and he deserved it. In fact, I’ve been watching him for a long time and he never paid any attention to me. But now he is! And he’s going to get me in the ring.
SM: But you stole his hat.
RM: I didn’t steal his hate. I’m a nice guy. I ain’t no thief.
SM: I will tell you what. The “Macho Man” Randy Savage is very upset. You should hear the comments he was making.
RM: What do you mean “making comments”?
SM: He can hear you right now.
RM: Let me hear that (grabs Mooney’s ear piece).
Randy Savge: Hey, you’re going to get a Monday Night RAW hangover. Let’s do this thing right now. Come on up here and tell me where to land Repo Man.
RM: Hey, when I hit you from behind and you flew that was just the start of it! Because when I get you again, it’s going to be worse. It’s going to be like right down here in New York. Right down here in Manhattan. It could be a street fight.
RS: Yeah right. Not a chance on you doing the same thing to me again. I’m going to kick off right there. How about a New York Street Fight?
RM: Just remember. Just remember. I have your hat. And that’s your prized possession!
RS: I don’t care. I don’t care.
RM: YOU WERE LATE WITH THE PAYMENTS AND I GOT IT!
RS: Hey brother. That doesn’t even make it with me. You are not a tough guy.
RM: You want to wrestle?
RS: Hell no I don’t want to wrestle. I want to do something different. We are going to have a date, don’t be late brother.
RM: Hey, hey, hey. Now wait a minute Savage. This is going to be great because I’m going to put the boots to you! I can’t wait to get you in the ring. I got your attention [LAUGHS]! This is going to be great!
And now “Mean” Gene Okerlund is here with the Royal Rumble Report. We all know the drill by now. The show is this weekend and it’s going to be a big one. Here are my predictions:
Steiner Brothers over Beverly Brothers
Shawn Michaels over Marty Jannetty
Bam Bam Bigelow over Big Boss Man
Bret Hart over Razor Ramon
Yokozuna wins the Royal Rumble!
I’m usually pretty good with my predictions, so let’s see what happens.
We go back outside to Sean Mooney who says it was a “wild scene” just a second ago. Now “Macho Man” goes running by him. Savage is on the lookout for Repo Man, but he can’t find him anywhere.
It’s now time for our main event……
“El Matador” Tito Santana
Flair yells at Savage pre-fight and shouts “YOU GOTTA WANT IT SAVAGE. YOU GOTTA WANT IT”. Solid advice from Naitch right there. Santana wraps up Flair in a headlock, but Flair counters with an irish whip. Santana counters that with a shoulder block that sends Flair down. Another shoulder block by Santana followed with a bodyslam. Santana wraps up Flair in a headlock. He goes for a pin. 1…..2……not happening. The crowd breaks out in a “LET’S GO FLAIR” chant. Flair tries to escape the headlock but ends up going down again. Santana gets another pin. 1….2…..you gotta want it man. Santana has now had the headlock on Flair for over a minute. Flair finally gets up and whips him into the ropes. Santana nails him with a shoulder block followed by a clothesline and Flair goes down again. Dropkick to Flair. Santana grabs Flair in a headlock again and goes for another pin. 1…..2…..headlocks aren’t going to get the job done buddy.
We come back to Flair in the corner and Santana going to jump on him. Flair ends up pushing Santana off. Flair grabs Santana’s legs and flips over him and goes for the pin. 1……2……FART NOISE. Eye rake to Santana. He goes into the corner while the ref accuses Flair of cheating. He denies all charges. Flair walks over and now hits Santana with some illegal punches. Head lock take down by Flair followed by a knee drop to the face of “El Matador”. Flair yells at Savage again and Savage goes “unbelievable” as if he can’t believe everyone wants to kick his ass. Vince informs us that it’s Savage vs. Repo Man next weekend! WOO HOO!!!!! Flair picks up Santana and chops him in the corner. Flair whips Santana into the corner, but he counters and sends Flair flying with a backdrop. Flair is begging for mercy and Santana comes over and starts kicking and punching him. Flair eventually counters with a punch of his own. He’s going to the top rope now. This never works out. And yep, Santana grabs Flair and sends him flying off the top. You would think he would learn one day. Flair is begging for mercy again, but Santana grabs him and irish whips his ass over the turnbuckle and outside of the ring. Santana runs at Flair and clotheslines him on the outside. He throws Flair back in the ring. Santana stomps on Flair and picks him up. Irish whip to a back drop again. Santana with the flying knee and now he’s calling for his finisher. FLYING FOREARM TO FLAIR! Santana starts celebrating and doesn’t go for the cover though. Flair gets up and Santana tries for another flying forearm, but Flair moves and Santana flies out of the ring. Meanwhile, “Mr. Perfect” runs down and pulls Flair out of the ring and they start brawling on the outside. The officials are here to break things up, but they aren’t having any luck. Flair and Perfect brawl all the way to the back. This match is over.
Winner: Ric Flair via Disqualification
We come back and we are supposed to get an interview with Ric Flair. That’s not going to happen because Perfect and Flair are STILL brawling. Perfect is finally being restrained. Flair walks over to McMahon and says this is it. The WWE isn’t big enough for him and Perfect. He demands a match with Perfect next week and he wants it to be a “LOSER LEAVES WWE” match! OH SNAP! I love those matches and you just don’t see enough of them in wrestling these days. Flair leaves and now Mr. Perfect comes walking over. He accepts Flair’s challenge of a “LOSER LEAVES WWE” match and it’s ON! SOMEONE IS LEAVING THE WWE FOR GOOD ON MONDAY NIGHT RAW NEXT WEEK!!!! I bet it’ll be Ric Flair. I don’t know why, but I just have this funny feeling inside of me. I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t wait.
On the way out, we get another clip of Repo Man but this time he’s repossessing Rob Bartlett’s car. See, the guy isn’t so bad.
OK, that’s enough of this crap. Are you ready to go back to 2017? I sure as hell am……