2010 Royal Rumble. Can you believe I’m almost done with these things? I can. It’s been a long process. Toodles to those of you who are still reading these things. Anyway, let’s not beat around the bush today……




Royal Rumble 2010


Our first two entries are;


#1 – Dolph Ziggler


#2 – Evan Bourne

Dolph Ziggler lasted a total of about thirty seconds in last year’s Royal Rumble. He’s got #1 this year. I don’t have a lot of expectations for him in this thing. #2 is Evan Bourne, an extremely talented wrestler who’s marijuana habit ended up de-railing his professional wrestling career. I can familiarize with that myself. My marijuana habit de-railed my professional wrestling career as well. It’s a sensitive subject and I don’t want to talk about it. Ziggler and Bourne look at the WrestleMania banner and start arguing instead of fighting. I wish this Rumble just consisted of 30 guys arguing over who’s going to win and they didn’t actually end up fighting. Finally they start going at it. Ziggler whips Bourne into the ropes, but Bourne hits him with a moonsault. Big kick knocks Ziggler down again. Ziggler gets the upper hand though and tries throwing Bourne out, but Bourne barely hangs on. Bourne gets whipped into the ropes and does some sweet ass move where he lands on Ziggler with both of his knees. Bourne is now walking on the ropes and is holding Ziggler’s arm and goes to moonsault him out of the ring. That was pretty awesome. Ziggler does his best Mr. Perfect impression and manages to hang on. ZIG ZAG TO BOURNE! Ziggler goes to throw him out, but Bourne holds on again. Bourne kicks Ziggler in the head and Dolph goes down. Bourne goes to the top rope. AIR BOURNE TO ZIGGLER! Just in time for #3……..


#3 – C.M. Punk

The “Straight Edge Savior” is here. He goes right after Bourne and starts clotheslining his head off. He tries to kick him in the face, but Bourne counters. Bourne and Ziggler end up running into each other and are both dazed. Punk throws Bourne out (elimination #1) and follows that up with a clothesline to Ziggler that ends his night as well (elimination #2). Punk is all alone in the ring now. He wants a microphone. This should be good:

“Let me thank you all for joining me tonight in what will be the most historic moment my Straight Edge Society has ever seen. These are just the first of 29 other men that will be thrown over the top rope, or if they have the courage that the WWE Universe lacks. They can be saved. And unfortunately, not everybody can win the Royal Rumble. Excuse me, it’s “Clobberin time”.”

Here comes #4…………


#4 – JTG

JTG runs down and starts swinging away on Punk. JTG has the advantage right now. Dropkick to Punk. JTG starts dancing and tries for a big splash in the corner. Punk catches him and throws him out though (elimination #3). Punk wants the microphone again:

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. Not everybody can win the Royal Rumble match, just like not everyone can be saved. There are people here tonight that cannot, that will not ever have the reserve and dedication in their heart to follow in my footsteps. Tonight I become the first ever straight edge Royal Rumble match winner.”

And here comes #5……..


#5 – The Great Khali

Khali comes down and he still can’t walk. Punk looks very concerned of course. He tries talking to the big man:

“Great Khali. Great Khali, I can save you. Great Khali, I can make you. I can make you greater. I can see the pain in your eyes. You need to be saved. Please Great Khali. Raise your right hand. Do you accept straight edge into your life?”

Big chop to Punk! Khali picks Punk up and gets him in a head vise. Just in time for #6…….


#6 – Beth Phoenix

Beth Phoenix becomes the second woman in history behind Chyna to enter the Royal Rumble. Chyna never lasted longer than like thirty seconds, so Phoenix has some HUGE shoes to fill. She immediately stares down Khali. He’s the PUNJABI PLAYBOY and his charm is hard to exist. He picks her up and sets her down on the ring apron. She then plants a massive kiss on the handsome guy. The kiss was so magical that Khali falls out of the ring (elimination #4). Phoenix manages to roll back in the ring. Clothesline to Punk! Phoenix is now beating on Punk! She picks him up and goes to throw him out, but he counters. He picks her up now. GTS TO PHOENIX! She’s out on the mat now. Punk picks her up just in time for #7…….


#7 – Zack Ryder

Zack Ryder is making his Royal Rumble debut and it will likely be a short one. Punk tosses Phoenix out (elimination #5) and it’s Ryder vs. Punk one-on-one. Hmmmm. Punk gets on the mic again:

“See you. You have the types of things were looking for. How would you like to be a member of the Straight Edge….”

Microphone shot to Ryder puts him down! Punk starts beating on Ryder now. Clothesline to Ryder. Big “C.M. Punk” chant now. Punk picks up Ryder and throws him out (elimination #6). And yep, he’s getting the microphone again:

“Watch me rise! Who’s it gonna be? Who’s next? I’m better. I’m better than each and every single one of you here today.”

We’ll see about that, because here comes #8…….


#8 – Triple H

IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME! Punk obviously doesn’t look amused. He pumps himself up though and welcomes HHH with open arms. The two have a stare down. And it’s ON LIKE DONKEY KONG! Big knee to Punk sends him down. Punk gets the counter though and whips HHH into the corner. Knee to HHH! Punk goes for a bulldog, but HHH shoves him off. Spinebuster to Punk! Here comes another entrant…..


#9 – Drew McIntyre

McIntyre takes his time getting down to the ring. HHH is beating on Punk in the corner. HHH starts screaming at McIntyre now to hurry his ass up. McIntyre obliges and they start brawling. Knee to McIntyre sends him down. HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Punk counters and gets HHH up on his shoulders. Punk goes for the GTS, but HHH catches Punk’s leg and throws him out of the ring (elimination #7). Well, you had a good run Punk. HHH goes back to beating on McIntyre now. Punk is pissed and he wants back in. Not gonna happen buddy. #10 is on their way down…..


#10 – Ted DiBiase

Ted DiBiase of Legacy is here and HHH welcomes him with a clothesline. DiBiase bodyslams HHH though and now all three men are hurting. McIntyre starts kicking HHH in the corner. DiBiase comes over to join him. The two youngsters are double-teaming HHH. McIntyre tries to get a reaction from the crowd, but they don’t care about him. DiBiase starts talking to McIntyre and they are discussing a plan to eliminate HHH. And here comes #11……


#11 – John Morrison

Morrison apparently has issues with McIntyre, so the shit could hit the fan. Morrison goes after DiBiase and puts him down. Big kick to DiBiase’s head. Morrison runs over and starts beating on McIntyre now. DDT to McIntyre from Morrison. Morrison tries dragging McIntyre over to the corner, but DiBiase jumps him from behind. DiBiase goes for the Million Dollar Dream, but Morrison counters that with a kick to DiBiase’s head. Morrison now goes to the top rope. FANCY TWIRLING LEGDROP TO MCINTYRE! I have no idea what that move is called, but it looks cool. HHH clotheslines Morrison and here comes #12……


#12 – Kane

Kane is in the Rumble for the 12th time and believe you me, I know this. HHH is punching DiBiase and no one seems to care about Kane coming down. Kane goes right to the top rope. He’s not fucking around tonight. He nails HHH with a clothesline. Now he’s punching everyone. He sends DiBiase into the corner and hits him with a clothesline. DOUBLE CHOKESLAM TO MCINTYRE AND MORRISON. Big boot to HHH! DiBiase comes off the top and Kane hits him in the throat. Kane is in complete control right now. He picks up DiBiase and goes to throw him out, but DiBiase hangs on. HHH comes over and starts nailing Kane. CHOKESLAM TO HHH! And here comes lucky #13……


#13 – Cody Rhodes

Another member of Legacy comes running down just in time to save DiBiase who is on Kane’s shoulders at the moment. Rhodes starts beating on Kane. DiBiase gets up and they start double-teaming Kane now. Rhodes turns his attention to HHH and knocks him down. Morrison and Rhodes are squaring off and Morrison ends up on the ring apron. He comes catapulting off the top rope, but Rhodes welcomes him back in with a dropkick. That was pretty sweet if you ask me. Kane is beating on DiBiase so Rhodes comes over to give his partner a hand. They try eliminating Kane now. HHH comes over for the save though. Not the brightest move by “The Game”. HHH tries throwing Rhodes out, but he holds on. #14 is on their way down now…….


#14 – MVP

MVP gets attacked from behind by the Miz who nails him with the United States title. Miz stares him down and looks intense. Back in the ring, DiBiase hits Morrison with a huge clothesline. Kane and McIntyre are throwing punches. Morrison goes off the ropes again and hits McIntyre with a huge kick. HHH is on the verge of elimination thanks to Legacy, but Kane comes over for the save. Are HHH and Kane in cahoots? Here comes #15…….


#15 – Carlito

This is about the time when Carlito really stopped caring and was almost at the end of his WWE career. Such a sad story. He goes right after DiBiase. Big dropkick to HHH. Carlito follows that up with a splash to Kane. Double elbow to Legacy! McInytre grabs Carlito and whips him into Morrison. Kane and Carlito are now throwing punches. Carlito hits Kane in the knee. BACKSTABBER TO HHH NOW! BACKSTABBER TO MCINTYRE!!!! BACKSTABBER TO DIBIASE!!!! Carlito is on fire!!! Here comes #16…….


#16 – The Miz

The Miz just attacked MVP and now it’s time for him to come down. How convenient. Miz gets in the ring and nails Carlito with a facebuster. Now Miz and Morrison are trading blows. MVP IS BACK THOUGH! MVP goes after Miz and clotheslines him out of the ring (elimination #8). MVP also eliminates himself (elimination #9), but he doesn’t care. He just wants him some of the Miz. They continue brawling on the outside. HHH is once again on the verge of elimination thanks to Legacy, but he survives. He gets up and tries throwing Carlito out, but Carlito hangs on. Kane has Rhodes up on his shoulders, but McIntyre comes over for the save. Here comes #17……


#17 – Matt Hardy

Hardy runs down and TWIST OF FATE TO MCINTYRE! He’s not messing around today. Side effect to Rhodes! DiBiase throws Hardy into the corner, and Hardy kicks him in the face. Hardy goes to the top rope and Kane just shoves him out (elimination #10). And what a night that was for ol’ Matt Hardy. Kane isn’t paying attention and HHH comes over and throws him out as well (elimination #11). Rhodes starts punching HHH in the face. He hits the ropes and HHH gives him a spinebuster! Spinebuster to DiBiase! Spinebuster to Carlito! Spinebuster to Morrison! HHH IS JACKED! He goes for the Pedigree on Rhodes, but McIntyre hits him in the knee. HHH goes down in pain. Now everyone is teaming up on HHH. Just in time for #18……


Shawn Michaels, Book Cover
Trax, Stamford, CT
April 17, 2005
photo: Rich Freeda

#18 – Shawn Michaels

Well, look at that. HHH’s old buddy happens to be coming down just in time. Carlito stupidly decides to run at Michaels and gets tossed for his troubles (elimination #12). Rhodes gets an atomic drop! Chop to DiBiase! Rhodes charges at HBK and he gets eliminated (elimination #13)! DiBiase’s dumb ass does the same thing and Shawn throws him out as well (elimination #14)! GET EM SHAWN! HBK now goes after McIntyre. He starts chopping him. McIntyre throws him into the ropes, but HBK hits him with a forearm. Morrison gets hit and then tossed by Shawn (elimination #15)! Clothesline from McIntyre finally knocks Shawn down! McIntyre whips him into the ropes, but Shawn hits him with a knee. Shawn and HHH are now double-teaming McIntyre. A double clothesline sends him flying out (elimination #16). And now it’s Shawn vs. HHH! HHH is really selling his knee injury. Here comes someone else though……


#19 – John Cena

OH SHIT! HBK and HHH are having a stare down, but Cena is here to ruin the party. HHH and HBK aren’t amused. Cena runs down and the fight is on! Double shoulder block to DX! Cena picks HHH up and hits HBK with him and then just throws HHH onto HBK. Cena takes his shirt off as Jeremy Lambert and a bunch of teenage girls shriek in unison. FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE TO BOTH MEMBERS OF DX! Cena picks up HBK in the F-U and tries throwing him out, but Shawn is hanging on. HHH comes over for the save. PEDIGREE TO CENA! SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO HHH AND HE GOES FLYING OUT (elimination #17)!!!!! Don’t trust HBK man! Here comes #20……


#20 – Shelton Benjamin

Oh man, this isn’t going to be good. Shelton has been eliminated by Sweet Chin Music in two previous Rumbles and Shawn is here waiting for him. PLACE YOUR BETS NOW! Shelton immediately starts squaring off on both Cena and HBK. He has the advantage right now. Shawn whips him into the ropes, but Benjamin comes flying off and nails Shawn instead. Suplex to Cena from Shelton. Shelton is now stalking HBK. He hits HBK with a facebuster. HBK and Cena are now both down and Shelton is in control. Shelton is stalking Cena. Shelton jumps up into Cena’s arms and Cena just throws him out (elimination #18). Well, at least it wasn’t Sweet Chin Music this time Shelton. It’s Cena vs. HBK again. HBK runs over and tries throwing Cena out, but he’s hanging on. Suplex to Cena. Here comes #21……


#21 – Yoshi Tatsu

This dude runs down and I don’t give him much of a chance. He hits HBK with a spinning heel kick. Now he starts going off on Cena with some kicks. Now some fancy rolling headlock move to HBK. Tatsu goes to kick Cena in the head, but Cena dodges it. Cena just picks Tatsu up and throws him out (elimination #19). And it’s Cena vs. HBK again. HBK comes over and kicks Cena in the face. Chop to Cena sends him into the corner. Cena counters and whips HBK into the ropes and gives him a bulldog. Both men are down now. Cena starts punching HBK in the corner and here comes another entrant……


#22 – Big Show

Big Show is running down to the ring. Save your energy big fella! He grabs Cena and headbutts him. Headbutt to HBK. He picks HBK up and goes to throw him out, but Shawn is holding on. Cena comes over and tries eliminating Show and him and Shawn appear to be getting the job done. Show kicks Cena off of him though. He picks Michaels back up and somehow HBK lands on Cena’s shoulders. Cena goes to F-U Michaels out of the ring, but he escapes. HBK goes for some Sweet Chin Music on Cena, but he dodges it. He suplexes Michaels out of the ring, but he manages to hold on, just barely though! Clothesline to Cena from Show. Show comes over and tries eliminating HBK, but HBK grabs him in a headscissors. Show just throws HBK though. And here comes #23……


#23 – Mark Henry

Somebody gonna get they ass kicked. Show isn’t intimidated by Henry. They have a stare down in the middle of the ring. That’s a whole lot of beef my friends. And they start brawling. Henry goes to pick Show up, but he can’t do it. Cena is up now and he starts punching Show. A shoulder block has Show staggering now. Cena gives him another shoulder block. Now Henry picks him up and slams him. Cena picks up Henry and goes for the F-U, but Henry just falls on him. Here comes #24……


#24 – Chris Masters

Masters clotheslines HBK immediately. HBK gets things turned around though, but that doesn’t last long. Masters whips him into the corner. Now Masters picks Michaels up and holds him above his head. He just throws him on the mat though. Masters walks up behind Show and tries to get him in the MASTER LOCK! Show isn’t impressed and just tosses him out of the ring (elimination #20). Henry walks over and tries dumping Show now. Show is holding on for dear life. Michaels comes over to try to eliminate the both of them. That’s cute. Here comes #25……


#25 – R-Truth

R-Truth is here and 3 people care. Somehow though, he walks right on over to Big Show and Mark Henry and dumps the both of them (eliminations #21 & #22). What’s up with that? Truth goes over and starts punching both Cena and HBK now. Spinning heel kick to Cena! HBK gets whipped into the ropes and Truth gives him a suplex. WHAT’S UP! Truth slams HBK’s head into the turnbuckle and starts punching him in the face. He goes to eliminate Shawn, just in time for #26……


#26 – Jack Swagger

Swagger is making his Royal Rumble debut and his facial expression running down to the ring is absolutely hilarious. He clotheslines Truth. He goes to the top rope and hits Cena with a splash. He does the same thing to HBK. Now a suplex to Cena. Suplex to HBK as well. He picks up Truth and slams him into the corner and follows that up with a bodyslam. Swagger is JACKED! The crowd isn’t impressed though. HBK gets up and starts chopping Swagger now. Swagger runs across the ring and tries clotheslining HBK out, but Michaels barely manages to survive. Here comes #27……


#27 – Kofi Kingston

Kofi enters the ring and splashes Swagger. Chop to Truth. Kick to Swagger. Now a clothesline to Swagger. Legdrop to Swagger now. Kofi runs at Swagger and tries a splash and they both almost go out of the ring. Kofi grabs Swagger’s head with his legs and ends up getting the “All-American American” to fly out of the ring (elimination #23). HBK picks Kofi up, but he gets a kick in the face for his troubles. Truth and Kofi start trading blows and Kofi just runs at Truth in the corner. He starts punching Truth, but Truth lifts him up out of the ring. Kofi manages to hang on though. Truth tries punching Kofi, but Kofi dodges it. He grabs Truth with his legs and throws him out as well (elimination #24). And here comes another entrant……


#28 – Chris Jericho

Jericho sprints down and clotheslines Kofi immediately. He just starts nailing anyone around him. Cena gets an elbow and gets dropped. Jericho continues to stomp Cena in the corner. Cena gets up though and F-U TO JERICHO!!!! HBK gives Cena a DDT and he goes down. HBK is up on the top rope now. Elbow drop to Jericho! Shawn is setting up for some Sweet Chin Music! Shawn goes for it but Kofi counters with the TROUBLE IN PARADISE! Cena picks up Kofi and gives him the F-U right out of the ring (elimination #25)! CODEBREAKER TO CENA! Everyone in the ring is down now. Here comes #29……


#29 – Edge

Edge is making a comeback here and the place goes crazy. He goes right after Jericho. SPEAR TO JERICHO! SPEAR TO HBK! SPEAR TO CENA! Edge grabs Jericho and throws him out (elimination #26)!!! WE ARE DOWN TO THE FINAL FOUR!!!!

The Final Four:


Shawn Michaels

John Cena


Who wants it?????

This is the first time I can remember getting to the Final Four before all the participants have hit the ring. Edge turns around and gives Michaels a neckbreaker. Cena goes for the F-U, but Edge escapes and hits him with a DDT. The announcers are still in shock that Edge is back. The crowd now breaks out in a “Holy Shit” chant because they are still in disbelief as well. Edge continues to stomp on Cena and HBK comes over to trade blows with Edge. Here comes #30 and of course it’s……


#30 – Batista

Batista hits the ring and immediately hits Edge with a spinebuster. Now he nails Cena and HBK with some shots. Big clothsesline to Cena. Big clothesline to HBK. He picks up HBK and slams him down. Spinebuster to Cena. Batista is JACKED FOLKS! SPEAR TO BATISTA!!!! F-U TO EDGE!!!!! Now everyone is down on the mat. HBK and Cena get up and they start exchanging blows again. A forearm gets Cena down. Inverted atomic drop to Cena. Inverted atomic drop to Batista. Shawn picks up Cena and slams him. Slam to Batista now. Shawn is going up to the top again. ELBOW DROP TO CENA! Shawn tries to kick Batista in the head, but he catches Shawn’s foot. Shawn counters with an inzuguri though and Batista goes down. Shawn is going up to the top again. ELBOW DROP TO BATISTA! Shawn is dialing up the band again. SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO CENA! SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO BATISTA! Edge runs over and clotheslines Michaels out and they both almost go over. However, they manage to hang on. Now they are fighting on the ring apron. SWEET CHIN MUSIC ON THE RING APRON TO EDGE! Edge falls back in the ring though. Batista runs up behind and knocks Shawn out of the ring for good (elimination #27). What a run by HBK. Shawn can’t believe he’s eliminated. Apparently he doesn’t get a rematch with Undertaker at WrestleMania and he isn’t happy about it. He runs back in the ring and he wants some more. The refs are trying to get him out, but he’s not hearing it. SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO A REF! Shawn falls to the mat and is holding his head. Finally he starts heading to the back, but he’s still in disbelief. Back in the ring, Batista is licking his chops. He kicks Cena in the mid-section and goes for a Batista Bomb. Cena counters and suplexes Batista. Cena goes for the F-U, but Batista escapes. Batista charges Cena and goes for a clothesline, but Cena pulls the ropes down and he goes bye bye (elimination #28). It’s Cena vs. Edge one-on-one! Cena is on the ropes, and Edge is behind him stalking him. Edge goes for the spear, but Cena counters with a kick. Cena charges Edge and Edge throws him out (elimination #29)!! EDGE WINS THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!!!!!!

The Verdict:

This was a really good Royal Rumble. I loved the beginning with C.M. Punk because it was different and was not something we’ve ever seen in the Royal Rumble before. As everyone knows, I’m not a fan of cluttered rings during the Royal Rumble. The ring was never extremely cluttered during this one and that’s a big plus. And the ending? The ending was spectacular. I mean, we got to the Final Four before #30 even hit the ring! That’s never happened before and I definitely would welcome that happening more often. Plus, you have Edge returning and winning the thing which was a major surprise at the time and is still a cool thing to see years later. Highly recommend this one.

Royal Rumble Verdict: ****1/2