2000. It’s the turn of the century. Everyone thought the world was going to explode once the clocks turned over to 2000, but the only thing exploding was the WWE stock at the time. The Monday Night Wars were pretty much over. At this point in time, WWE has their foot on WCW’s head and they are just about ready to stick the knife in. Everyone in the company is riding high as the roster is loaded with good talent and the money is rolling in. But, who’s going to WrestleMania to face the WWE champion? That’s the question everyone wants the answer to….right?
LET’S DO THIS!
Royal Rumble 2000
Our first two entries are;
#1 – D-Lo Brown
#2 – Grandmaster Sexay
Grandmaster Sexay heads down to the ring and Jerry Lawler’s disappointed because he thought Sexay was luckier than this. I always loved the Lawler/Christopher “he’s not my son” angle. D-Lo goes right after Sexay who looks content on just dancing the entire time. We get 90 second intervals this year because Vince loves to piss me off when he takes away the two-minute intervals which are PERFECT for the Rumble. Sexay gets the advantage over D-Lo and whips him into the ropes. Big dropkick from Sexay. D-Lo counters with a spinning heel kick. An attempted running powerbomb from D-Lo gets countered. Sexay is now on the top rope and hits D-Lo with a dropkick. Sexay goes to throw D-Lo out, but D-Lo hangs on for dear life. Here comes #3……
#3 – Headbanger Mosh
Mosh is wearing a big ass cone bra for some reason. It’s because he’s alternative dude. Mosh goes right after Sexay. Sexay and D-Lo are now beating on Mosh. KAIENTAI RUNS INTO THE RING THOUGH! Taka and Funaki go after everyone, but they are quickly thrown out. Job well done guys. Mosh throws D-Lo into Sexay now. D-Lo whips Mosh into the ropes and hits him with a sit down powerbomb. Bulldog from Sexay to D-Lo now. Sexay has the advantage now. Just in time for another entry…..
#4 – Christian
Christian is making his Royal Rumble debut and he gets welcomed with some shots to the back from Mosh. Christian whips Mosh into the ropes and hits him with the IMPALER! Christian now goes after Sexay and throws him into the corner. Sexay hits Christian with a big boot to the face now. Mosh is attempting to eliminate D-Lo now. Remember when they were a shitty tag team? Christian has D-Lo on the verge of elimination. And now #5 is on their way to the ring……
#5 – Rikishi
Grandmaster Sexay’s dancing partner Rikishi is here and good luck getting this guy out! Rikishi goes right after Mosh and tosses him out like yesterday’s garbage (elimination #1). Rikishi now plays the waiting game. Belly to belly suplex to Christian. Now he takes Christian and just THROWS him over (elimination #2)! D-Lo goes after Rikishi now. Legdrop to Rikishi from D-Lo. Rikishi pops right up though. He scoops D-Lo up and just crushes him with an inverted piledriver. He picks D-Lo up and tosses him out as well (elimination #3). Uh oh. It’s Sexay vs. Rikishi…one-on-one! Will they fight? Sexay is trying to remind Rikishi that they are good friends. They don’t do anything as #6 comes down to the ring……
#6 – Scotty Too Hotty
Oh, I see where this is going. Scotty runs down to the ring to stop Rikishi from beating down Sexay. The fans want them to dance, not fight! Sexay puts the magic sunglasses on Rikishi and everyone is now cutting a rug. Instead of brawling, we are officially getting down in the Rumble. Scotty is breaking out the worm now. And Rikishi just double clothes-lines both members of Too Cool. He picks them up and throws them both out (eliminations #4 & #5). Better luck next year boys. Rikishi continues to dance as Too Cool has seemingly forgiven him for crushing their dreams. That’s friendship folks. #7 is coming down to end this dance party……
#7 – Steve Blackman
Blackman goes right after Rikishi and the crowd goes SILENT. Seriously. Blackman is beating on Rikishi and you can hear a fat kid in the 300 level farting on TV. How did this guy stay employed so long? Was Vince just afraid to fire him? I would be. Blackman hits the ropes and Rikishi scoops him up. A Rikishi Drop to Blackman. Rikishi picks him up and throws him out like yesterday’s garbage (elimination #6). The crowd is pumping Rikishi up again, but I think he’s done dancing for now. Here comes #8……
#8 – Viscera
BUSINESS HAS JUST PICKED UP! I don’t think Rikishi can eliminate Viscera on his own. The two start squaring off in the middle of the ring. Back-and-forth action as neither guy is relenting. Viscera finally picks Rikishi up and hits him with a belly to belly. Viscera follows that up with a leg drop. Viscera throws Rikishi into the corner. Big splash from Viscera now. Now we get some kicks as Rikishi is hurting. Another big splash from Viscera, but Rikishi MOVES! Rikishi hits Viscera with some kicks now. Viscera is stunned, but he’s not going down. Finally Rikishi gets a running start and just bull rushes into Viscera and gets him out as well (elimination #7). Rikishi is ON A ROLL! Here comes the next entrant…..
#9 – Big Boss Man
Boss Man doesn’t play around. He usually means business, but he toys with Rikishi on his way to the ring. Boss Man acts like he’s getting in the ring, but keeps jumping back out. He doesn’t want to face Rikishi one-on-one and for good reason. The guy is on a tear. Rikishi is getting impatient, and so is everyone else. Here comes #10……
#10 – Test
Test gets a nice reaction and he just starts beating on Boss Man outside of the ring! A clothesline from Test and Boss Man is in trouble now. Test takes his shirt off and starts choking Boss Man. Test finally tosses Boss Man in the ring. Test doesn’t give a shit and just goes after Rikishi. The three of them are all brawling and somehow they all end up on the mat in pain. Rikishi hits Test with a big punch and throws him into the corner. Boss Man comes over and stops the Rikishi beat down. Just in time for #11……
#11 – British Bulldog
This is when the Bulldog sucked. It’s after the “Montreal Screwjob” and after his failed WCW run. He returned to the WWE with his tail between his legs and for some reason was now wearing jean capris. None of it really made any sense. Bulldog goes right after Test and starts nailing him with some shots. A headbutt from Bulldog to Rikishi now. Test whips Boss Man into the ropes and hits him with a big boot. Rikishi is now heading to the top rope. Bulldog gets up and hits him with a low blow! Bulldog is trying to eliminate Rikishi, but that’s proven to be a difficult task. Rikishi is using the power of his legs to try to eliminate Bulldog though. And here comes #12…..
#12 – Gangrel
Maybe Gangrel can last longer than last year? Gangrel spits blood all over everyone and Boss Man and Test jump him right away. Here comes KAIENTAI AGAIN! They try beating on everyone but they are once again immediately thrown out. Someday guys. Someday. Boss Man and Bulldog start brawling while Gangrel attacks Rikishi. We get a replay of Taka getting thrown out and I bet that’s not the last time that happens tonight. Here comes lucky #13…….
#13 – Edge
Edge gets a HUGE reaction from the crowd. He comes out smiling. He goes right after Boss Man. Now everyone is attacking Edge. Bulldog picks him up and almost eliminates him right away. Edge is hanging on though. Gangrel goes to slam Edge’s head into the turnbuckle, but Edge counters it. Rikishi goes to the top rope and hits Boss Man with a big butt splash from the top! Someone might want to check and see if he’s OK. Gangrel and Bulldog come over and try to eliminate Rikishi now. And we are getting another entrant now……
#14 – Bob Backlund
Bob Backlund is BACK! The crowd pops for this. Everyone in the ring starts beating on Backlund immediately. Not cool guys. They attempt to throw Rikishi at Backlund, but he moves. This leads to Rikishi getting a little wobbly and everyone in the ring taking advantage. They FINALLY get Rikishi out (elimination #8)! Boss Man starts beating on Test now. Bulldog is trading blows with Backlund. Edge tries throwing out his old buddy Gangrel. Test comes over and stops that though. Test and Gangrel are now trying to eliminate Edge. Edge is once again hanging on by a thread. And here comes #15…….
#15 – Chris Jericho
Jericho heads down and goes right after Edge. This is the first of many Rumbles for Jericho, who is actually still active in the WWE today. Jericho dropkicks Bob Backlund and his night is over (elimination #9). Edge now grabs Jericho and slams his head against the turnbuckle. Boss Man is now holding Edge while Jericho chops him. Boss Man starts hitting Jericho with elbows now. Test and Boss Man start squaring off. For some reason, Bob Backlund just exits up through the audience because he just gives no fucks. #16 is on their way……
#16 – Crash Holly
Former WWE Hardcore Champion Crash Holly is here and something wacky is about to happen. Crash goes right after Edge. Bulldog grabs Crash and goes to throw him out. Edge comes over to help him, but Crash manages to survive. Crash and Bulldog are now trying to eliminate Edge. What a turn of events. Jericho is beating on Boss Man right now. Edge manages to survive once again and goes back after Crash. Bulldog starts stomping on Boss Man who is still on the ground. And here comes another entrant…..
#17 – Chyna
Chyna is back and let’s see if she lasts longer than last year. She goes right after Test. And then she starts kicking away on Jericho. Chyna goes to hit Jericho with something, but he ends up flipping her out. She manages to stay on the apron though. She hits Jericho with a shot to the midsection and SUPLEXES HIM RIGHT OUT OF THE RING (elimination #10)! And just like last year, Chyna turns around to gloat and someone comes up from behind her (Boss Man this year) and throws her out (elimination #11). You need to start paying attention when you’re in these things Chyna. Chyna and Jericho continue arguing on the outside of the ring. Boss Man is now choking Crash in the corner with his foot. #18 is coming down now…….
#18 – Faarooq
Faarooq of The Acolytes is here and he’s pissed of course. He jumps in the ring BUT THE MOTHER FUCKING MEAN STREET POSSE ARE HERE! YESSSSS!!!!!! THEY START JUMPING FAAROOQ! They are all over Faarooq and the refs finally get them off of him and out of the ring. And the Boss Man just goes ahead and tosses Faarooq (elimination #12). Don’t mess with the Mean Street Posse. Bulldog currently has the advantage over Boss Man in the corner now. Gangrel is stomping on Crash. A head butt from Bulldog puts Crash on the mat. Gangrel is now holding Crash while Bulldog hits him. Here comes another entrant…..
#19 – “Road Dogg” Jesse James
Road Dogg hauls ass to the ring and starts throwing haymakers at Test. He has Test reeling, but Test hits him with a nut shot. Test goes over and starts working on Crash now. The crowd is starting to chant “We Want Rocky”. Road Dogg starts working on Test again. Gangrel is somehow still in this thing and he’s once again facing off with his old buddy Edge. The ring is filling up and #20 is on his way down……
#20 – Al Snow
Al Snow gets in the ring and goes right after Crash. They probably have some kind of unsettled feud over the Hardcore Title I’m sure. Road Dogg finally ends the British Bulldog’s night by throwing him out (elimination #13). Al Snow is now stomping on Test. He starts choking Test in the corner now. He turns his attention to Edge, but Test recovers and starts beating on Snow. Edge is paying Snow back with a foot to the face as well. Boss Man goes for a clothesline on Edge, but Edge counters with a big splash. And we are getting another entrant…..
#21 – Val Venis
Val Venis gets a nice reaction from the crowd. This guy was insanely over at one time. Venis and Test start squaring off immediately. KAIENTAI IS BACK THOUGH! AND THEY GET THROWN OUT AGAIN! Oops. It was just Funaki this time because apparently Taka got sent to the hospital after the last time he got thrown out. Snow has Gangrel on the verge of elimination at the moment. Boss Man comes over and puts an end to that. They show a replay of Taka getting thrown out of the ring earlier in the night and he SMACKS his head against the ground. I’m not a doctor, but he obviously got a concussion out of that. Back in the ring, Snow hits Boss Man with a big punch. THAT WAS FOR PEPPER YOU ASSHOLE! Edge and Venis start double-teaming Snow. #22 is on his way……
#22 – Prince Albert
Prince Albert is here and he still sucks. He gets in the ring just in time to see Val Venis & Al Snow eliminate Edge (elimination #14). That was a good showing by Edge though. That kid has a nice future. There is a lot of action going on in the ring at the moment. Prince Albert is choking Gangrel. Boss Man starts punching Albert now. Albert gets the advantage and starts kicking Boss Man in the corner. Crash comes over and starts beating on Albert now. That doesn’t last long though as Albert makes him pay. Albert goes over and starts choking his future tag team partner Test. Boss Man delivers a nice kick to the face of Crash. And here comes #23…….
#23 – Hardcore Holly
Finally Bob Holly is interesting. Hardcore comes in and goes right after Test which seems to be a theme. Hardcore is now trying to eliminate Test, but Test is invincible tonight. Snow goes to throw Crash out, but Crash hangs on. WHY ISN’T HIS COUSIN HELPING HIM? Al Snow is now choking Albert on the ropes. There’s really nothing happening right now, so let’s add someone else to the mix…….
#24 – The Rock
IIIIIIIFFFF YOUUUUUU SMEELLLLLLLLLLLLLL…..what The Rock…..is cooking! THE ROCK IS HERE BABY! The crowd erupts of course. The Rock gets in the ring and goes right after Boss Man. Some big punches send the Boss Man flying out of the ring (elimination #15)! Rock now goes after Venis. Snow starts punching Rock now. That’s not smart. Venis goes over and he wants some of The Rock. Venis and Test now have The Rock on the brink of elimination! That doesn’t last long. Hardcore Holly comes over and starts bashing on The Rock. He’s trying to get Rocky out now. Apparently I’m the only who likes The Rock. The Rock now starts stomping on Hardcore. #25 is on his way down……
#25 – “Mr. Ass” Billy Gunn
Gunn runs down to the ring and goes right after Rock of course. He’s just nailing Rocky with some punches. Rock is already in big trouble. Gunn smashes Rock’s head against the turnbuckle. Crash now wants some of Rock. Rock counters Crash though and hits him with a DDT. He picks Crash up and throws him out like a bag of trash (elimination #16)! Hardcore didn’t like that. He’s now trying to get him some of Rock. Snow comes over to help him. Now Albert wants a piece of The Rock. Al Snow decides to go over and start choking Road Dogg. Here comes another entrant…..
#26 – The Big Show
The Big Show is making his Royal Rumble debut and some bitches are about to get thrown out. Big Show gets in the ring and just BOOTS Test out (elimination #17)! You had a good night Test, but it wasn’t meant to be. Show walks over and grabs Gangrel and throws him out as well (elimination #18)! Show grabs Venis and head butts him. He gives Snow a head butt as well. Now he’s asking Rock to stand up but decides to stomp him instead. He throws Rock now. Big Show picks up Hardcore and press slams him. It’s time for #27 though!……
#27 – Bradshaw
Bradshaw looks pissed, but don’t worry buddy….it’s all uphill from here for you. He gets in the ring and goes right after Road Dogg. THE MEAN STREET POSSE IS BACK THOUGH AND THEY ARE GOING AFTER BRADSHAW! Bradshaw is fighting back and he actually throws ALL 3 MEMBERS OF THE POSSE OUT OF THE RING! There’s a price to pay for that though because the New Age Outlaws come out from behind Bradshaw and dump him (elimination #19). Faarooq comes back out to help his partner as they beat on the Posse. Back in the ring, Al Snow delivers a big clothesline to The Rock. He has Rock on the verge of elimination now. Here comes another entrant……
#28 – Kane
The lights go out and it’s KANE! OH SHIT! Val Venis greets Kane with some punches and Kane just choke slams him out of the ring (elimination #20)! Kane punches Al Snow and then walks over to choke Road Dogg with his foot. Albert comes over to beat on Kane now. Not a wise move. Kane throws him against the turnbuckle. Kane is now punching Albert’s pretty face. And here comes #29…..
#29 – The Godfather
The Godfather is here and he’s brought some HO’S once again! Remember when a “Ho” was one of the unlockable characters in WWE No Mercy for N64? Man, those were the days. In the meantime, Prince Albert was the victim of the phantom elimination thanks to Kane (elimination #21). It takes the Godfather a day and a half to get in the ring of course. AND FUNAKI IS BACK! Al Snow goes ahead and throws him out for the fifth time tonight! OK, that’s getting old now. Kane delivers a big hip toss to Snow. Show is hammering away on Godfather now. Here comes #30 and of course it’s…….
#30 – X-Pac
Yawn. X-Pac goes right after Rock. Godfather is trying to eliminate Big Show, but it’s not working. It’s called gravity buddy. Al Snow finally clotheslines Hardcore Holly out of the ring for good (elimination #22). Big Show whips Godfather into the ropes and hits him with a big boot. A clothesline to the Godfather now. Another clothesline to the Godfather, only this time he goes flying out of the ring (elimination #23). And just when you thought that was enough, The Rock clotheslines Al Snow out fo the ring as well (elimination #24)! Kane is beating on X-Pac in the corner. Road Dogg is pointing at Al Snow and laughing at him. MR. ASS COMES FROM BEHIND ROAD DOGG AND ELIMINATES HIM (elimination #25)! Dude, bro code. Gunn turns around and is greeted with a Big Show head butt. Kane comes over to join the party and he punches Mr. Ass right out of the ring (elimination #26) AND WE ARE DOWN TO THE FINAL FOUR!!!!
The Final Four:
Who wants it?????
The New Age Outlaws pull Kane out and start beating on him. X-Pac throws Rock into the ropes and misses a spinning heel kick. Big Show is watching in the corner. The Rock goes ahead and throws X-Pac out because we all know he didn’t have a shot. Big Show and The Rock are now trading blows while Kane is still battling with the New Age Outlaws on the outside of the ring. The Rock is just going off on Big Show. X-Pac is back in the ring now because apparently the refs didn’t see him get eliminated. Kane throws him into the corner once he finally gets back in the ring. Big Show whips Rock right into a big boot from Kane. Kane and Big Show are now squaring off. X-Pac hits Rock with a spinning heel kick. Big Show goes to chokeslam Kane, but Kane counters. Kane hits Big Show with an inzuguri, but Big Show stays standing! Kane picks him up and slams him now. X-Pac comes over and eliminates Kane with a spinning heel kick (elimination #27)!!! Now he’s giving the Big Show a Bronco Buster. Big Show isn’t amused. He gets up and just picks up X-Pac. He lifts him over his head AND TOSSES HIM OUT OF THE RING (elimination #28)! IT’S BIG SHOW VS. ROCK NOW! ROCK TURNS BIG SHOW AROUND AND STARTS PUNCHING HIM! ROCK GETS HIM DOWN! PEOPLE’S ELBOW FROM THE ROCK!!!! BIG SHOW GETS UP! THE ROCK GOES TO THROW HIM OUT! NO!!!! CHOKESLAM FROM THE BIG SHOW!!!!! The Rock is out now. Big Show is now posing while the crowd boos. Show picks Rock up and goes to throw him out now. Rock grabs the ropes though and BIG SHOW GOES OUT INSTEAD (elimination #29)! THE ROCK WINS THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!!!!
This was a pretty good Royal Rumble. There was not a whole lot of time where the action was lacking like a lot of other Rumbles and the right person won. 2000 was a very good year for the WWE and the Royal Rumble was just another star added to their helmet. Highly recommend watching this one.
Royal Rumble Review: ***1/2