I watched one quarter, the fourth quarter of the National Championship game between Alabama and Clemson, of college football all season. This qualifies me to review the entire season.

I’ll start, where it ended. WHAT A QUARTER BETWEEN ALABAMA AND CLEMSON! Based on my twitter feed, the game was pretty boring in the first half, and it lasted over four hours, BUT WHAT A QUARTER! All I knew heading into the fourth quarter is that Alabama had never lost in the history of Nick Saban and that Deshaun Watson was really good. It turns out that Watson is really really good, and anyone named Mike Williams is good at catching footballs. There was also something about a white wide receiver, headlines with Hurts, and some nonsense involving Lane Kiffin.

I don’t care about any of that. WHAT A QUARTER! When Clemson took the lead 28-24, I didn’t think it was over because Nick Saban somehow comes up with something. But when Alabama converted on fourth down, and then used a TRICK PLAY, and then Hurts scored on a 30-yard touchdown; I thought it was over. I know Clemson had time. BUT THIS WAS A NICK SABAN DEFENSE RIGHT?!?!?!?! DESHAUN WATSON GAVE NO FUCKS ABOUT A NICK SABAN DEFENSE! AND NEITHER DID MIKE WILLIAMS, JORDAN LEGGETT, OR HUNTER RENFROW!

I thought it was going to come down to the Clemson kicker. And I would have bet on him missing because there’s no one I trust less than a college kicker. But Dabo didn’t have time for that bullshit. The game lasted long enough and it was past his bedtime. He had already missed Fallon. So he decided to end it in regulation cause he ain’t no bitch.

It was a great end to a great season. The season was especially great if you only watched the last quarter of the final game.

What else happened this year?

Well, the number one overall pick heading into the season definitely lived up to expectations. Or he didn’t. I don’t know who the consensus #1 overall pick was prior to the year, and I don’t know who it is right now. All I know is the Browns are picking at #1 and they’ll probably pick Deshaun Watson and screw him up. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE SO GREAT IN THAT ONE QUARTER, DESHAUN?!?!?!

There were those upsets. Remember when that team that was heavily favored got upset by that other team? What a shocker that was. Clemson winning was an upset. WHAT A FUCKING QUARTER TO PULL OFF THAT UPSET!

Those scandals. Oh man, I still can’t believe that that one player got caught up in that one thing and got suspended or kicked off the team. That was shocking. Never saw it coming. But the biggest scandal of the year was the fact that THOSE DUDES DIDN’T GET PAID SHIT FOR THAT ONE QUARTER OF AMAZING FOOTBALL WHAT THE FUCK!


Steve Cook complained about Louisville a lot this year, although he loved some dude named Lamar. Dustin James got the Oregon head coach fired. It seemed like it was a bad year for my two best friends. But you know what we all agreed on? THAT FUCKING QUARTER OF FOOTBALL WAS SO GOOD THAT HE HAD A MASSIVE TEXT ORGY AFTER IT CAUSE THE ONLY THING THAT COULD COMPARE WAS A TEXT ORGY AND EVEN THAT WAS A LETDOWN AFTER THAT QUARTER OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL!

That’s my recap of the college football season. THANKS, EVERYONE!