We have finally arrived to the point in the Royal Rumble Review where the WWE considers the Rumble one of its premiere events of the year. 1992 was a huge step in the right direction for the Rumble and this year it just keeps getting more important. For the first time ever, the winner of the Royal Rumble gets a chance to face the WWE Champion at WrestleMania; a stipulation that still exists today. So, who will be the first guy to walk away with a Rumble victory and parlay that into a WWE title match at WrestleMania?
LET’S DO THIS!
Royal Rumble 1993
Our first two entries are;
#1 – Ric Flair
#2 – Bob Backlund
Ric Flair has the worst luck when it comes to drawing Royal Rumble numbers. He got #3 last year and got #1 this year. Hopefully he’s not a big gambler. Flair would only remain in the WWE for a couple of weeks after this Rumble before taking his bags back to WCW, so I don’t expect a showing like he had last year. Backlund on the other hand just returned to the WWF after like 7 years or so. He came back and was still a boring ass babyface who no one cared about. Before the Rumble even starts, we get some bullshit involving Caesar’s Palace to help hype WrestleMania 9 in Las Vegas. Seriously, no one gives a shit about this. Sometime I wish I had some of the drugs that Vince McMahon was taking in the early-90’s. Anyway, Backlund finally hits the ring and we get things started. Backlund knocks Flair down and does a stupid silly little dance. Can we just get to “crazy” Bob Backlund already? That gimmick ruled. A little back-and-forth action between Backlund and Flair as Backlund has the advantage. Flair hits Backlund with an eye poke that Backlund no-sells until Flair does it to him three times. A backdrop to Flair followed by an atomic drop and Flair is already reeling. It’s time for #3 to hit the ring though……
#3 – Papa Shango
Wade Barrett finally gets his wish as PAPA SHANGO is in the Royal Rumble! Shango hits the ring and starts beating on Backlund immediately. Shango has Backlund tied in the ropes and is nailing him with headbutts. Flair comes over to help Shango eliminate Backlund. Nevermind. Flair actually helps Backlund eliminate Shango (elimination #1) and somehow we are still two gimmicks away from that guy turning into “The Godfather”. Flair goes back to beating on Backlund now. He tries to eliminate him to no avail. Flair now has Backlund on the mat as he stomps him relentlessly. We get our first “WOOOOO” of the night as Flair is punching Backlund in the corner. Backlund finally reverses things and he gets some offense in. It’s time for our fourth entry though…..
#4 – Ted DiBiase
I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure this is DiBiase’s last Royal Rumble as an active participant. Pretty sure he retired not too long after this Rumble. Anyway, he gets in the ring and lends a helping hand to Ric Flair. DiBiase has Backlund tied up in the ropes now and Flair comes over to help him. They are trying to eliminate Backlund, but apparently he’s just too powerful. Backlund is just getting beaten on here, but he refuses to go out. Flair is now holding Backlund while DiBiase hits him. A double elbow sends Backlund to the mat. They go to throw Backlund out again, but it’s not happening. Here comes #5……
#5 – Brian Knobbs
Knobbs comes out to a huge reaction, so this must have been when everything was backwards and the “Nasty Boys” were babyfaces. Knobbs hits the ring and goes right after DiBiase and Flair. They whip Knobbs into the rope and go for a double-clothesline but he moves and hits them with a clothesline instead! He then knocks their heads together. He goes to throw Flair out, but Flair survives by the skin of his teeth. Knobbs is now beating on DiBiase as Flair comes over and makes the save. Backlund is up now though and he goes after Flair. Flair and DiBiase are now attacking Knobbs while Backlund gets a little rest. Knobbs signals that he’s going to stick DiBiase’s face into his arm pit and he does. That’s disgusting. Here comes #6……
#6 – Virgil
Virgil comes down and no one gives a shit. He hits the ring and his old boss Ted DiBiase starts beating on him right away. DiBiase whips Virgil into the ropes, but Virgil reverses it. He starts punching DiBiase in the face and hits him with a clothesline. Knobbs and Virgil then hit DiBiase with a double suplex. Virgil turns his attention to Flair. Meanwhile Knobbs decides to go after DiBiase and bull rushes him. DiBiase wisely moves out-of-the-way and pulls the top rope down and it’s ADIOS Brian Knobbs (elimination #2)! Virgil is now taking out DiBiase, while Backlund and Flair are still exchanging blows. Backlund is now on the top rope, which doesn’t seem like a wise decision to me. Flair makes him pay for it. And now we get another entry……
#7 – Jerry “The King” Lawler
Is he a wrestler? Is he an announcer? Who knows? He’s dangerous though. Lawler comes in and goes right after Virgil. Flair has had enough of Lawler already and grabs him and they exchange blows. Flair goes through the bottom rope to escape. Lawler decides to start beating on Virgil again. Flair gets back in the ring and starts helping Lawler beat on Virgil. Lawler remembers that he hates Flair though and hits him with the old eye rake. Meanwhile, Backlund has DiBiase on the verge of elimination. Here comes another entry though…..
#8 – Max Moon
It’s over. Everyone go home. If Max Moon doesn’t win this thing, I’m never doing a Royal Rumble Review again. Moon comes in and goes right after Lawler. He hits Lawler with a huge dropkick and man, this guy has a huge future in front of him. Moon whips Flair into the rope and flips him over his head. Everyone is now trying to eliminate Virgil because he’s such a threat. Max Moon almost goes out, but he saves himself. He goes back to beating on Flair. Lawler and Flair are now teaming up on Max Moon. Not cool guys. Flair now has Moon on the brink of elimination. It’s now time for #9 to hit the ring though……
#9 – Tenryu
WHO? I thought the exact same thing when I was a kid. This one puzzled me guys. Vince McMahon is notorious for not co-promoting with other wrestling promotions. However, every now and then he liked to try to dip his pen into the ink to see what would happen. Having Tenryu in the Royal Rumble is a perfect example of one of those cases. Tenryu comes out and no one knows who he is. He goes right after Flair and Flair makes him pay with some chops. Tenryu reverses course though and chops Flair himself. Virgil is beating on Lawler in the corner. DiBiase comes over to help Flair with Tenryu. Flair now has Virgil on the ring apron but instead of eliminating him, he hurls him back into the ring. THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO FLAIR! Lawler has Backlund on the brink of elimination now. We have a bunch of little mini-battles going on right now. Somewhere in the midst of all this, Lawler threw Max Moon out (elimination #3). That’s a bummer. Here comes #10…….
#10 – Mr. Perfect
Perfect comes out to a HUGE reaction and goes right after Ric Flair!!!! OHHHHHH SHITTTTTT!!!!!! They exchange blows as the crowd is HOT! Perfect is chopping Flair in the corner now! He hits Flair with a knee that sends Flair flying! Flair hits him with an eye rake though! Flair goes to the top rope (even though that never works for him) and Perfect makes him pay for it by throwing him off (of course). Perfect is now just toying with Flair. Flair reverses things though and hits Perfect with an array of heelish moves. Chops in the corner to Perfect and now Perfect is PISSED! Perfect reverses course on Flair and starts punching his face. Perfect now goes for the elimination. It’s time for #11 to hit the ring though……
#11 – Skinner
AND BUSINESS HAS PICKED UP! Skinner comes in and helps Flair right away. He then turns his attention to Jerry Lawler who is laying on the mat motionless. Good move Skinner. Meanwhile, Perfect shocks everyone by throwing Ric Flair out and ending his Royal Rumble run (elimination #4)! The crowd goes bonkers for that one. Flair is obviously not happy and he wants back in the ring. Perfect waves “bye” to him though. Lawler isn’t happy about it and he starts beating on Perfect from behind. Virgil comes over to help Perfect though. Tenryu is still in there and the live fans are probably still trying to Google his name, but they are going to be there for a while because we are still about ten years away from Google being invented. Skinner is choking Virgil just in time for #12 to come down……
#12 – Koko B. Ware
Koko comes down and does a ridiculous dance in the aisle. He’s also wearing MC Hammer pants, so my money is on him winning this whole thing. He goes right after DiBiase who eliminated him in 1990. REVENGE BABY! Koko is now beating on Lawler and is STILL dancing! Backlund has Skinner on the brink of elimination. Virgil and DiBiase are still going at it. There’s a lot of history there. Perfect tries to throw out Skinner, but Skinner saves himself. That is until he pulls himself back into the ring, where Perfect is waiting with a drop kick that sends him back to the showers (elimination #5). C’mon Skinner! Tenryu wants nothing to do with Perfect, so at least the guy is intelligent. We know that about him. Backlund is somehow still in this thing, and we have another entry coming down……
#13 – Samu
Samu of the Headshrinkers! Someone’s getting headbutted here. Yep. He starts headbutting Virgil immediately and then gives one to Backlund for good measure as well. Lawler hits the top rope to hit Perfect with a right hand. Not sure why he needed to go to the top rope to do that. Samu is now headbutting Lawler. I told you people were about to get headbutted folks. Lawler hits Perfect with a DDT and he’s now done one more DDT in the Royal Rumble than Jake Roberts ever has. Perfect and Lawler are tied up in the ropes now. Here comes #14……
#14 – The Berzerker
Berzerker comes down and the ring is officially getting full now. Berzerker starts beating on anyone within distance of his swinging arms. He starts beating on Tenryu in the corner now. AND JUST LIKE THAT JERRY LAWLER GETS SUPLEXED OUT OF THE RING BY MR. PERFECT (elimination #6)! The crowd eats that one up. Perfect’s reward is Samu and DiBiase come over and almost eliminate him. Koko now comes over to help eliminate Perfect but PERFECT IS FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE ON THE RING APRON! Even Jerry Lawler is trying to pull Perfect off the ring apron now! The refs are trying to break it up but Perfect is holding on for dear life. In the midst of all this, Virgil is eliminated (elimination #7), but no one cares. Finally DiBiase gets Perfect to let go with a kick and his night is officially over (elimination #8). Lawler and Perfect are now brawling on the outside of the ring. And we are now getting another entry……
#15 – The Undertaker
In a funny little moment, Jerry Lawler reaches the curtain just as soon as Undertaker comes out and Lawler does a little “scaredy-cat dance” to get away from him. It’s the little things that count. Undertaker gets a huge reaction from the crowd of course. I’m guessing some fuckers are about to get tossed. Samu goes right after Undertaker. That’s stupid. Berzerker throws Backlund through the ropes and goes after him on the outside. He picks up a chair and starts hitting Backlund with it! ECW! ECW! ECW! Berzerker was hardcore before hardcore was cool. Undertaker gives no shits and tosses Samu out of the ring for good (elimination #9). Tenryu decides to go after Undertaker now. Stupid move man. He hits the ropes and Undertaker ends his night with a flip out of the ring (elimination #10). Told you that was a stupid move. There are now five wrestlers left and somehow Koko B. Ware is one of them. Undertaker grabs DiBiase by the throat now. And here comes #16……
#16 – Terry Taylor
Not the “Red Rooster”, but Terry Taylor! I like him in any form personally. Taylor and Koko start squaring off. They both go up against the ropes and DiBiase just comes over and dumps them both (elimination #11 & 12). Well, that was a short night for Taylor. Koko and Taylor trade blows on the outside while Undertaker hits DiBiase with a chokeslam. Taker then picks DiBiase up and THROWS HIM OUT OF THE RING (elimination #13)! It’s now Undertaker vs. Berzerker one-on-one while Bob Backlund is still on the outside dead somewhere! Berzerker is beating on Undertaker. Wait. What the hell is this? Some crazy looking dude in a giant hairy suit has just come down the aisle. He kind of looks like El Gigante from WCW, but I don’t remember El Gigante having fur everywhere. Meanwhile, Undertaker flips Berzerker out of the ring (elimination #14) and we are about to have a showdown. This giant creature is now stalking Undertaker. Undertaker turns around and they face off. This is intense. And now we are getting another entry. Who’s this poor sucker going to be?
#17 – Damian Demento
HAHAHAHAHA! Good luck buddy! Demento is nowhere to be found as Undertaker and GIANT FUR GUY start battling in the middle of the ring. GIANT FUR GUY tosses Undertaker out (elimination #15) and the two start brawling on the outside. This is actually a pretty good way to introduce a character. It’s just unfortunate the character was Giant Gonzalez and was arguably the worst in-ring professional wrestler ever. Gonzalez tosses Undertaker back into the ring and choke slams him while Harvey Whippleman cheers him on. It’s time for another entry though……
#18 – I.R.S.
Irwin R. Schyster comes down and he’s not in a hurry at all, obviously. Undertaker is still laying in the ring defeated while Gonzalez beats on him. With all this heat, these guys had better have an awesome WrestleMania match. Gonzalez poses to the crowd as everyone still tries to understand exactly what they are looking at. Is he half-animal? WHAT THE HELL IS HE? Anyway, back to our regular scheduled program. I.R.S. and Demento finally get in the ring and proceed to beat on Backlund while Undertaker still lies motionless in the ring. And #19 is about to come down…….
#19 – Tatanka
Tatanka gets a nice little reaction as he comes down to even things up for Backlund. Paul Bearer is now at ringside with the urn trying to revive The Undertaker. Undertaker finally gets up to a huge reaction. He looks hurt and pissed. Something tells me GIANT FUR GUY is in big big trouble. Irwin already has Tatanka on the verge of elimination. Bob Backlund is still around somehow and is trading blows with Demento. And we get another entry…..
#20 – Jerry Sags
Sags comes in and starts beating on Demento immediately. He then turns his attention to Irwin. As of this moment, there’s no one in the ring that’s even worth a damn. Someone big has to be coming out to clear this sucker of all the dead weight real soon. Irwin hits the ropes and Sags makes him pay with a clothesline. Sags is now grabbing Irwin by the tie and punching him in the face. STOP WEARING YOUR GOOD CLOTHES TO WORK IRWIN! Time for #21……
#21 – Typhoon
Typhoon goes right after Demento because he’s a real threat to win this whole thing. Tatanka is trading blows with Sags in the corner. And like I stated earlier, there’s no one in the ring that’s even worth a damn. Typhoon? Jerry Sags? Bob Backlund? I.R.S.? Tatanka? Damian Demento? C’mon WWE! Where’s GIANT FUR GUY when you really need him? Typhoon is already on the verge of elimination just in time for #22 to come down…..
#22 – Fatu
Fatu of the Headshrinkers, better known as Rikishi. Fatu hits the ring and kicks Typhoon right in the face. Take that bitch! Fatu and Sags are now trading headbutts. Let me know how that goes for you Sags. Irwin has Demento on the verge of elimination, but we can only be so lucky. There is currently a whole lot of stalling going on right now and we all know what’s coming up. Will #23 be the guy to clear the ring?
#23 – Earthquake
OHHHHHH SHITTTTTTTT!!!!! Earthquake is here and he’s pissed! Unfortunately, it’s Earthquake after the WWE decided to give up on him, so he’s not worth a shit anymore. He comes in and goes right after….Typhoon? Well, damn Earthquake. Earthquake and Typhoon are now trading blows in the corner. C’MON GUYS! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS! Typhoon hits Quake with a big splash. Earthquake ends up reversing things though and ELIMINATES HIS TAG TEAM PARTNER (elimination #16)! EARTHQUAKE GIVES NO FUCKS! Sags comes up from behind Quake and pays for it immediately. Backlund throws Demento into the corner while Tatanka comes over to help. It’s time for #24 though……
#24 – Carlos Colon
Carlito’s dad comes out and the crowd doesn’t give a shit about him. Do you blame them? He looks like a 65-year old jobber, but apparently he’s the Caribbean Champion SO WATCH THE HELL OUT! Colon and Irwin start trading blows as Monsoon says there is “a lot of fire in this youngster” as it pertains to Colon. A quick fact check shows that Colon was actually around 46 when this Rumble happened. Colon and Tatanka almost have Demento eliminated. The ring is officially stockpiled with crap and we need to have a clearance sale real soon. Colon must have heard me as the youngster goes ahead and throws Demento out of the ring (elimination #17). Colon then turns his attention to Fatu. Earthquake has Backlund on the verge of elimination, and I’m surprised that guy is still around. And #25 is on his way…….
#25 – “El Matador” Tito Santana
Yay? Santana goes right after Earthquake, which is probably why Santana does horrible in Royal Rumbles. The guy constantly makes stupid decisions. Bob Backlund shows everyone he still has some energy left as he tosses Fatu out for good (elimination #18). He then turns his attention to Santana. Santana now has Backlund almost eliminated, but Backlund has NINE LIVES MOTHER FUCKER! No wonder Backlund ended up going insane months after this. Earthquake has Colon on the ropes, but the youngster stays in somehow. And now it’s time for #26…..
#26 – Rick “The Model” Martel
One of the best Royal Rumble veterans around! Rick “The Model” Martel was built for Rumbles! Martel hits the ring and goes right after Santana! LET IT GO GUYS! IT’S BEEN FOUR YEARS! Santana and Martel exchange blows in the corner. I.R.S. has Earthquake on the brink of elimination. Earthquake is tied up in the ropes and Irwin goes to hit him with a big splash, but Quake moves and it’s BYE-BYE IRWIN (elimination #19)! Sags is now arguing with Earthquake. That’s not how you win the Royal Rumble man. Santana is trying to eliminate Backlund, but he manages to stay in. The crowd loves that. Sags and Quake finally stop talking and start hitting each other. It’s time for another entry though……
#27 – Yokozuna
Alright everyone! Well, it’s been real and this was a decent card so far…..BUT IT’S ALL OVER NOW! I don’t even think there are enough guys in the ring to eliminate Yokozuna, even with Earthquake still in there. Yoko takes his sweet time getting to the ring and once he gets inside, it’s ON LIKE DONKEY KONG! He goes right after Sags and then Tatanka. Tatanka is standing his ground while Monsoon reminds us that no one in the WWE has even knocked Yoko off his feet yet! Tatanka can only stand his ground for so long though before Yoko just grabs him and tosses him out like yesterday’s trash (elimination #20). Colon then goes after Yoko. He’s young and dumb though. Yoko throws him out for good measure (elimination #21) and then it’s a ONE-ON-ONE with EARTHQUAKE! The crowd is hyped for this one! Yoko gets down in a sumo position while Quake shakes the ring. Quake starts yelling at him, but it’s time for #28 to come down…..
#28 – Owen Hart
Owen Hart comes down but no one cares, not even the camera man. The camera is still focused on the Quake/Yoko showdown as the two are just running into each other. Quake hits the ropes and ALMOST gets Yoko down! A clothesline sends Yoko into the corner and now Quake is signaling for the BIG SPLASH! He hits Yoko with the big splash! Yoko is in trouble! Not anymore! Quake gets cocky and goes for a second big splash, but Yoko moves! Yoko then picks up Quake in a belly to belly suplex and throws him out of the ring (elimination #22). Don’t mess with this guy. He means business. Yoko already looks dead shit tired. You would be though if you just gave Earthquake a belly-to-belly suplex over the top rope. Sags decides to go after Yoko with Santana’s help while Owen and Martel battle in the corner. Yes, Bob Backlund is somehow still alive. Tito Sanatana is now getting abused by Yokozuna. It’s time for #29 though……
#29 – Repo Man
Repo goes right after Yoko. Dumb move as Yoko just drops him. Yoko then goes back to choking Tito. Owen Hart is on the top rope, which is never a wise move and Martel makes him pay for it. Repo Man starts beating on Backlund. Santana is trying to eliminate Yoko and Backlund comes over to help. Now Repo Man and Sags come over to help. Now Owen Hart and Martel come over to help and EVERYONE is trying to get Yokozuna out! Yoko is fighting back though and it doesn’t work! Yoko takes out six guys all by himself! THE GUY IS AN ANIMAL! Here comes #30 and of course it’s……
#30 – “Macho Man” Randy Savage
MACHO MAN!!!! The crowd goes bonkers as Savage enters the ring and goes right after Repo Man! If anyone can eliminate Yokozuna, it’s “MACHO MAN!” OOOOOOOHHHH YEAAAAHHHHH!!!! You know who’s not going to eliminate Yoko? Tito Santana as Yoko just throws him out of the ring (elimination #23). Jerry Sags is holding Rick Martel as Owen Hart hits the ropes and goes to hit Martel with a dropkick. However, Martel moves and the dropkick hits Sags instead and he goes out of the ring (elimination #24)! Martel then grabs Owen Hart and throws him out, but Owen saves himself while Martel gloats. Owen then goes over and jumps on Yoko. Meanwhile, Martel and Repo are double-teaming Savage. Yoko has had enough of Owen’s bullshit and throws him out (elimination #25). Savage gets tired of Repo’s crap and tosses him (elimination #26) and we are down to the FINAL FOUR!!!!!
The Final Four:
Who wants it????????
Martel is beating on Savage in the corner. He then turns his attention to Backlund while Yoko beats on Savage. Yoko is now choking Savage with his foot. Martel has Backlund on the brink of elimination as the crowd is going insane. Backlund is holding on for dear life though and he saves himself. Martel goes to suplex Backlund out, but that doesn’t happen. Backlund puts Martel on the top turnbuckle and THROWS HIS ASS OUT (elimination #27)!!! BOB BACKLUND IS A WRESTLING GOD AND IS UNSTOPPABLE! It’s now two-on-one! Backlund & Savage vs. Yokozuna! Backlund hits Yoko from behind, but that was a mistake. Yoko is pissed! A dropkick to Yoko does nothing. Another dropkick gets Yoko reeling. Backlund is going for the kill now! He hits the ropes to send Yoko out, BUT YOKO REVERSES IT! YOKO THROWS BACKLUND OUT (elimination #28)!!! It’s now Yoko vs. Savage! Who will get the title shot at WrestleMania? Why isn’t Yoko pointing at a WrestleMania sign so we all know? Yoko picks Savage up and continues beating on him. Savage looks done man. Mr. Fuji is egging Yoko on and telling him to go for the kill. Yoko is just toying with Savage though. A headbutt in the corner from Yoko now. Yoko is now choking Savage in the corner as old ECW referee Bill Alfonso looks on. Finally Savage is mounting a comeback! Kicks and punches to Yokozuna and Yoko is staggering! Clotheslines from Savage and now Yoko is almost down! Savage hits the top rope and nails him with a double axe handle but STILL YOKO DOESN’T GO DOWN! Yoko is obviously hurt though! Savage is going back to the top rope AGAIN! Another double axe-handle sends Yoko to one KNEE! Yoko gets up though as Savage hits the ropes and NAILS SAVAGE WITH A SAVATE KICK! Uh oh! Savage is hurting. Yoko picks him up and slams him now. Yoko goes for a leg drop and smothers Savage with it. “Macho Man” is done. Get the man an ambulance. Yoko picks Savage up and drops him again. Savage crawls to the corner and gets met with some punches while Fuji is telling Yoko to end it already. Yoko whips Savage into the corner. Yoko follows that up with a HUGE CORNER SPLASH! Yoko goes for another one AND SAVAGE MOVES!!!!!!!! HOLY BALLS!!!!!! SAVAGE GOES TO THE TOP ROPE WHILE YOKO IS STAGGERING!!!! YOKO FINALLY FALLS DOWN!!!!!!!! SAVAGE HITS HIM WITH THE FLYING ELBOW DROP!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! SAVAGE GOES…..for the pin? What the fuck “Macho Man”? Do you know where you’re at? Apparently not because Yoko just picks him up from the laying position and throws Savage out of the ring (elimination #29) to win the Royal Rumble. OK then.
Overall, this wasn’t a very good Royal Rumble. It was extremely boring for the most part and was dragged down by some stupid spots. The Giant Gonzalez debut may have looked cool on paper and it kind of went over well here, but considering we all know how that plays out….it gets docked some points. It was pretty apparent that in 1993, the WWE was lacking some serious star power. After years of having tons of talented upper card guys in the Rumble, we got shit this year. When Bob Backlund is wrestling for over an hour, you know something is up. Plus, what’s up with Savage going for the pin against Yokozuna? That’s probably why the WWE was more than content with letting his dumbass walk to WCW shortly after this. Go ahead and skip this one unless you want to watch Yokozuna dominate some fools.
Royal Rumble Review: *1/2