“Let me tell you how you’re feeling.” Those are the infamous words of Tito Ortiz as he tried his hand at post-fight interviews during the days of Affliction. It’s also the name of this column, which doubles as a weekly NFL recap and look ahead. This is how fans should be about their team following the week and heading into next week. So, let me tell you how you’re feeling.
Arizona Cardinals: Just sad.
Atlanta Falcons: We can’t screw this up. We can’t screw this up. We can’t screw this up.
Baltimore Ravens: Feeling pretty good. Hung tough with the best team in the league and now get a banged up average Bengals team. We good.
Buffalo Bills: We love kickers.
Carolina Panthers: Thursday night games are really stupid.
Chicago Bears: We get it. The Cubs won. Nothing good is happening to Chicago sports for at least 100 years. It’s cool.
Cincinnati Bengals: This.
Cleveland Browns: FIVE GAMES TO GO!
Dallas Cowboys: Have we told you guys how much we love Tony Romo lately?
Denver Broncos: Nervous.
Detroit Lions: Do we really have to play on Thanksgiving? We’re actually good and this game is meaningful.
Green Bay Packers: When is Aaron going to tell us to relax? Is it ok to relax? I AM NOT RELAXED!
Houston Texans: Did that count as a home game?
Indianapolis Colts: SCOTT TOLOLOLOZEIN??!?!?!
Jacksonville Jaguars: At least we aren’t Cleveland.
Kansas City Chiefs: Really nervous.
Los Angeles Rams: This all feels familiar.
Miami Dolphins: Just hanging around.
Minnesota Vikings: Thanksgiving against Detroit? We shall eat well.
New England Patriots: Are the playoffs here yet?
New Orleans Saints: Who came up with the idea of Thursday night games?
New York Giants: Fuck Washington and Dallas.
New York Jets: Does Tony Romo vs. Ryan Fitzpatrick work in the NFL Trade Machine?
Oakland Raiders: Making everyone nervous.
Philadelphia Eagles: Member those first three weeks?
Pittsburgh Steelers: HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO US!
San Diego Chargers: Petitioning to be moved to the AFC South.
San Francisco 49ers: Moral victory.
Seattle Seahawks: Arrogant and overconfident. As always.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: *whispers quietly* we’re here.
Tennessee Titans: Praise the AFC South Lord.
Washington Redskins: Starting a GoFundMe for Kirk Cousins.