“Let me tell you how you’re feeling.” Those are the infamous words of Tito Ortiz as he tried his hand at post-fight interviews during the days of Affliction. It’s also the name of this column, which doubles as a weekly NFL recap and look ahead. This is how fans should be about their team following the week and heading into next week. So, let me tell you how you’re feeling.

Arizona Cardinals: LOL

Atlanta Falcons: Things seemed so much easier when we were playing NFC South teams.

Baltimore Ravens: Can we go back in time to four weeks ago? Things were much nicer then. We were undefeated, the Orioles were in the playoffs. Man, four weeks ago.

Buffalo Bills: Who are we firing this week to turn things around?

Carolina Panthers: It was really cool of the NFL to cancel the season. Oh shit, it was just a bye week.

Chicago Bears: CUBS!

Cincinnati Bengals: You’re not dumb. You know that you just beat the Browns and that it doesn’t really count as a win or indicate any future success for the team.

Cleveland Browns: INDIANS!

Dallas Cowboys: You had ONE JOB MINNESOTA!

Denver Broncos: And that’s why we let Brock walk.

Detroit Lions: Suddenly, you’re starting to wonder if Calvin Johnson was holding the team back.

Green Bay Packers: Sending the Eagles a treat.

Houston Texans: And that’s why the Broncos let Brock walk.

Indianapolis Colts: So that’s what a defense worse than ours looks like.

Jacksonville Jaguars: Wondering if the NFL is just going to cancel the Thursday night game.

Kansas City Chiefs: It feels so good playing the NFC South this year.

Los Angeles Rams: Can we just call it 8-8 and be done with this year?


Minnesota Vikings: How they hell did we beat previous MVPs but lose to a rookie?

New England Patriots: *Yawn*

New Orleans Saints: When do we play Carolina again?

New York Giants: Just going to enjoy our London trip and not think about anything else.


Oakland Raiders: Optimistic, but fearful. The AFC North won’t come easy.

Philadelphia Eagles: UNDEFEATED ONCE AGAIN!

Pittsburgh Steelers: SAVE_US.ROMO

San Diego Chargers: You either feel really dumb for giving up on the season or you’re going to feel really dumb for buying into the team after this week.

San Francisco 49ers: Checking league rules to see if you can trade a NFL head coach to a college team. You don’t even care about the return.

Seattle Seahawks: LMAO

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: *Looks at NFC South standings* GUYS! WE’RE IN THIS!

Tennessee Titans: Same as Jags fans.

Washington Redskins: Why are the Lions winning late games? What the hell is this world?