Week five of College Football Saturday is in the books and now it’s time to go back and take a look at all the action from the top 25 teams in college football using wacky and stupid gifs for the games that really don’t matter. A good time is had by all (except the teams that lose of course)…..




(1) Alabama: 34          Kentucky: 6

Just another dominating victory by Alabama. Nothing to see here folks….


(2) Louisville: 36          (6) Clemson: 42 

This was easily the game of the week in college football and man, did it ever live up to the hype? Watching DeShaun Watson vs. Lamar Jackson was the reason us sports fans got out of bed yesterday and those two definitely made it worth our while. Going into the game, I had no idea what to expect. Louisville had looked like one of the best teams in the country in the first few weeks of the season and we all know what Clemson is. This was another really good test for Louisville and even though they came up just a yard short against Clemson, they shouldn’t start burying their playoff chances just yet. It’s extremely hard to go undefeated during the college football season. Just because you lose one game, it doesn’t mean you just start packing your shit and calling it a season. The Cardinals can go undefeated the rest of the way and still have to play Houston down the line. If they can pull off a win against the Cougars, they will have jumped back into the playoff conversation.

As for Clemson? Well, we know what they are. This win just catapulted them back into the forefront of the playoff discussion. When DeShaun Watson is playing like he did yesterday, the Tigers are really hard to beat and may just be the best team in the country….with all apologies to Alabama.

(3) Ohio State: 58          Rutgers: 0


(4) Houston: 42          UConn: 14

Who is winning at the game of LIFE right now?

Tom Herman is winning.

That’s who.


(5) Michigan: 14          (7) Wisconsin: 7

This was another fantastic game featuring two top ten teams. Even though it wasn’t the most exciting spectacle of offensive football we’ve ever seen, it was still BIG 10 SMASH MOUTH FOOTBALL! Sometimes it’s fun to watch two extremely physical teams beat each other up in the trenches in a low scoring game. This was one of those times. This was also a massive win for Jim Harbaugh and company. You know who should take a page out of Michigan’s book? The Oregon Ducks. The proof is in the pudding people. All it takes to turn around your program in college football is an elite head coach who can recruit and develop players. Jim Harbaugh is the perfect example of that. He’s a red ass who the players respect the hell out of and would go to war for if asked. You know who’s not that kind of personality? Mark Helfrich. That’s right Duck fans. Be jealous. Teams like Michigan, Alabama, Ohio State, and Houston aren’t afraid to go outside of the box and hire a coach from another school and you know what that results in? WINS. Michigan is a National Title contender this year and Jim Harbaugh is a big reason why.

Shout out to Wisconsin to. Even though they lost the game, they look a hell of a lot better than anyone thought they would be at the beginning of the year. Once again, coaching matters in college football. I wish some people could figure that out….

(8) Stanford: 6          (11) Washington: 44

It’s happening….isn’t it?

All those pre-season experts were right…..weren’t they?

The Washington Huskies are really good guys. It hasn’t happened in years, but here they are. Before the season started, the hype around the Huskies was ridiculous. Some college football experts even went out as far as to say the Huskies had the potential to be an ALL-TIME GREAT college football team. I wasn’t buying the hype then.

I’m buying it now.

After watching what the Huskies did to the Cardinal this weekend, I’m officially sold. Washington went out and punched Stanford in the mouth and abused them. They beat Stanford like Stanford beats other teams. The Huskies now have to be considered a playoff team and are likely the favorites to win the PAC-12. Isn’t it amazing what a new, fresh head coach can do to your team? Remember when Oregon had the chance to hire Chris Petersen but instead settled on MARK F’N HELFRICH? Ya, that was a mistake.

Now Duck fans will get to watch the Huskies get their first win over Oregon in 13 years next week. And it won’t just be a victory. It will be a beat down. And still, some Oregon fans will want to give Helfrich more time because they apparently like sucking ass. Well, enjoy watching the Washington Huskies hoist a PAC-12 trophy this year to.

(9) Tennessee: 34          Georgia: 31

Something tells me by the end of the year, most Tennessee Volunteers fans are going to have ulcers and random bald spots covering the top of their heads. What is it about this team that loves playing close games that go down to the wire? Personally, I don’t think Georgia is that good of a team, but they definitely gave Tennessee a fight here. Things are going to start getting real interesting for the Volunteers following this win though. Next week they have to go to Texas A&M and play an undefeated team in College Station. If they escape with that win, you want to know what they get next? Some team from a little school called “Alabama”. It’s likely going to be a rough next two weeks for fans of the Tennessee Volunteers, but the good news is….if they come away from those two games still with a perfect record, watch out. The schedule gets way easier in the second half of the season and the Volunteers still have a great shot at sneaking into the playoffs. Like I said though, these next two weeks are going to be huge…..

(10) Texas A&M: 24          South Carolina: 13


(12) Nebraska: 31          Illinois: 16

Both Oregon football programs are in deep deep trouble right now. Meanwhile….


(13): Miami: 35         Georgia Tech: 21

Miami. Just another school that hired a coach outside of their program and are having immediate success.


In case you can’t tell. The theme of the column this week is “C’MON OREGON. FIRE MARK HELFRICH ALREADY. HE’S OBVIOUSLY IN OVER HIS HEAD!”

(14) Utah: 23          California: 28

And thank you for coming Utah! I guess it wouldn’t be a college football season unless the Utes came out and blew it somehow, right? This was an ugly game for Utah and was a “must win” considering they don’t have a whole lot of “gimmies” left on the schedule. This loss will almost definitely knock Utah out of the playoff picture, but let’s talk about Cal for a second.

What’s up with the Golden Bears? No one really expected much out of Cal this year but here they are at 3-2 on the season with big wins over ranked teams (at the time) Texas and Utah. They also gave another ranked team one hell of a fight (San Diego State) a few weeks back. I might have seriously underrated this Golden Bears team before the season. Yes, they don’t play defense, but they’ve scored on everyone they’ve played so far and Utah’s defense is no joke. Watch this Cal team from here on out. Otherwise they’ll sneak up on you like a bad fart and ruin your day.

(15) Florida State: 35          North Carolina: 37


About my “Florida State winning the National Championship” pick?


(16) Baylor: 45          Iowa State: 42

It wasn’t pretty….but…..


(17) Ole Miss: 48          Memphis: 28


(18) West Virginia:  17         Kansas State: 16


(19) Florida: 13          Vanderbilt: 6

Well, it wasn’t pretty….but it’s a good week to be a Florida Gator:


(20) Arkansas: 52          Alcorn State: 10

When life in Arkansas is good…..


(21) San Diego State: 24          South Alabama: 42

Welp. When you’re a team like San Diego State you can’t afford to blow any game and well…..


(22) Boise State: 21          Utah State: 10


(23) Michigan State: 21          Indiana: 24


Indiana beat Michigan State?



When is the last time that happened? I’m asking because I seriously have no idea….

(24) Texas: 31          Oklahoma State: 49

Let’s take a live look in at Charlie Strong’s coaching seat…..


Yes, there’s still time for Charlie to get it turned around and get Texas into a decent bowl game. However, this team doesn’t play defense and the schedule doesn’t get any easier from here on out. I’m not saying there’s going to be a job opening in Austin, Texas this off-season, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if there is.

(25) TCU: 46          Oklahoma: 52

And Oklahoma is back in the playoff picture…


And that’s it for today. See you next week for week six of COLLEGE FOOTBALL ACTION!!!!!