Joey Bosa and the San Diego Chargers are at a contract standoff. The third overall pick wants a bunch money, and the Chargers are willing to give him a lot of money, but not a bunch.

Things turned ugly the other day when the Chargers released a public statement with FACTZ. They were willing to give him the highest signing bonus of any player in this year’s and last year’s draft, more money than any rookie in this draft class outside of Carson Wentz, and the largest payment and highest percentage of signing bonus of any Chargers draft pick since 2011. Bosa’s camp fired back and said they wouldn’t negotiate in public, but instead took shots at the Chargers camp for being untimely bitches.

None of this shit would’ve happened if Spencer Strasmore represented Joey Bosa.

You might know Spencer Strasmore from the hit reality show Ballers. He’s a former player and NFL super-agent who represents the likes of Ricky Jarrett and Vernon Littlefield. He loves chewable pills, Taylor Swift, and suits that don’t fit him. He hates doctors who won’t give him chewable pills and people who try to fuck with his clients.

If Spencer Strasmore represented Joey Bosa, he would’ve walked into the Chargers office, put his dick on the table, and told them, “Give my client his entire $17 million signing bonus right now.” And they would’ve agreed because they aren’t dumb enough to fuck with Spencer Strasmore.

Let the Chargers try to release a statement about the Bosa negotiations if Spencer Strasmore represented him. If they tried to pull that shit, Spencer Strasmore would’ve been on Jay Glazer’s show in two seconds saying, “What the hell has San Diego ever won? Look at their history. This is not a Joey Bosa problem. This is a Chargers issue. Eli Manning has a stupid looking face, but the kid was smart enough to know that going to the Chargers was a bad idea. Look how they treated Eric Weddle this offseason. The whole damn city of Los Angeles didn’t want the Chargers. Now they want to play hardball with a two-time All-American, a national champion, and the best defensive player in the draft? Go fuck yourself, San Diego.”

Spencer Strasmore would’ve had Joey Bosa signed or traded to a team that recognizes greatness on draft day. The Chargers would’ve drafted Bosa #3 overall and less than 30 seconds later; he would’ve been in uniform tackling Carson Wentz and Jared Goff while they were being interviewed.

If Spencer Strasmore can get the Cowboys to pay Vernon Littlefield $18 million a year over five years with $50 million guaranteed, despite the fact that no one has ever seen him on the football field, he can certainly get Joey Bosa any amount of money he wants.

The Chargers are lucky they aren’t up against Spencer Strasmore. He beat up Terrell Suggs and then signed Suggs has his newest client because that’s how it works with Spencer Strasmore. Real recognize real. If he were up against the Chargers, he’d shut their entire organization down and make John Spanos his personal piggyback bitch if they tried to pull this shit with him.